Say, gals, did you know guys are turned on by watching you blow your nose or pee? (Say, guys, did YOU know?)

What James Thurber called "The War Between Men and Women" seems to rage on without any signs of a truce.

by Ken

I'm going to go out on a limb here and venture that in terms of ongoing hostilities Thurber's "war between men and women" makes the recent unpleasantness in Afghanistan look like a brief skirmish. And the casualty count just keeps on rising.

As I mentioned not long ago, when time permitts I often enjoy the educational features of the website "The Frisky." where brave essayists attempt untiringly to explain guys to gals and vice versa. I guess I enjoy it because it usually makes me feel a tad less clueless witnessing the Mostly Clueless attempting to lead the Even More Clueless. One of the eternal questions, of course, for persons of all sexes (and for that matter of all sexual preferences) is: What turns a person of the opposite (or, as the case may be, same) sex on? And this latest offering from the "Frisky" team is likely to be an eye-opener -- or perhaps an eye-, ear-, nose-, and throat-opener -- for people of most sexual persuasions. Myself, I'm still feeling a little dizzy.

11 Things We’d Never Expect To Turn Guys On (But Totally Do)

The Frisky |March 7, 2014



Have you ever noticed that most of your traditional efforts to catch a guy’s interest (high heels, red lipstick, and such) go unnoticed, but on the day you drag yourself to the drug store for cold medicine, in pajamas, with unwashed hair and a crusty nose, you have to swat potential suitors away with a stick? One thing’s for sure: we’ll never truly understand the things that turn guys on. We shouldn’t try tot make sense of their love of unkempt bikini lines and vagina sweat (although we are sensing a general cavewoman theme), we should just go with it. From burping to unwashed hair, here are some things that we never expected to turn guys on, but, for some reason, have totally gotten them all revved up. Go figure.

1. The site of your grown out bikini line. It’s a myth that guys don’t like pubes. There are many dudes who love nothing more than running their thumb along an unkempt bikini line.

2. Ass hair. Ditto for the hair that grows in your ass. Women go to great lengths to remove it; guys go hogwild for it.

3. Watching you blow your nose. There must be something innately arousing about any fluids you release from you body? That’s our best guess.

4. Watching you pee. Not actually peeing on them (although some are into that), just listening to your stream. Again, that fluid thing.

5. Your armpits, just because you don’t like them touched. Men can’t resist an off-limits body part.

6. Not wearing makeup for a week and/or not washing your hair. The dirtier you are. the more insane it seems to drive them. Makes you wonder why you even bother with basic hygiene, doesn’t it?

7. Vagina sweat — or any sweat. If he could bathe in your sweat, he would.

8. Food babies. Especially if they cooked the food that gave you that cute, round belly.

9. Cleaning the toilet on your hands and knees. We don’t whether it’s the body position or the image of subservience that gets them going, but a bathroom cleaning session is like sexual catnip.

10. The way you tie your hair up into a frizzy, messy knot when you don’t want to bother with it. That haphazard hairstyle may earn you a spontaneous fuck.

11. Burping and farting. Not the smell, per se, just the sound. But even if it does smell (within reason, if it’s really bad, you might get kicked out of bed), it will usually earn you a FUCKYEAAAHHHHH, BABY!

I honestly don't know what to say. Heck, I don't even know what "food babies" is or are.While I'm sitting on the couch now hoping that before long the room will stop spinning, could I just ask who wrote this rule about "high heels, red lipstick, and such" being go-to guy turners-on? A lot of these nuggets of "turn-on wisdom," it seems to me, consist of not much more than stuff people heard somewhere, and not even somewhere where you're likely to find much sexual-attraction activity, like the gutter. I suppose if you're really determined, you can train yourself to be turned on by most anything, but really now -- say, fishnet stockings? Because anything you find in a fishnet is bound to be a turn-on?

I realize that I represent an entirely unscientific sampling, but I'm going to say that I have never found any erotic stimulation in anyone of any gender sneezing, or burping, or farting, or toilet-cleaning, or . . . .

Of course, I realize that could just be me.

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