Crash! Boom! Thud! Is that the the sound of the earth opening as NJ Fats's other massive clodhopper falls to the ground?

by Ken

I had it in mind this evening to do a quick progress report on the unraveling of the idiotic lies of NJ Gov. Kris KrispyKreme, ex-VA Gov. "Handsome Bob" MicDonnell, and our newest celebrity thug-liar, NY Rep. "Mikey Suits' Grimm, but I decided to go instead with my latest Super Bowl City update. And now it appears that the sky may be falling down around the carcass of the World's Largest Lying Tub of Shit, NJ Fats, aka the Krispyman.

The development concerning the Krispyman's Reign of Terror and Lies had to do with the apparent backup gathering for Hoboken Mayor Kim Zimmer in her accusation that the KrispyKreme held her city's desperately needed Sandy relief hostage to its greed-and-selfishness development scheming. Of course, did anyone really think there was any chance that what Mayor Zimmer said was anything less than 100 percent true and every word uttered by every demon connected to the KrispyKreme gang was 100 percent scum-sucking lie?

Meanwhile, however, it appears that NJ Fats's lie about knowing nothing about his KrispyKronies' bridge-closing hi jinks is unraveling, as it seemed pretty likely it would. After all, how likely was it that all the Kronies would jump under the bus to protect a toxic tub of filth like Krispyman?

JANUARY 31, 2014
CHRISTIE ASKS FOR PUBLIC'S PATIENCE WHILE HE COMES UP WITH NEW STORY

POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ

TRENTON (The Borowitz Report) -- Responding to fresh charges that he knew about the controversial lane closures on the George Washington Bridge last fall, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie today asked for the public's patience while he makes up a new story.

"Today you have heard some allegations that are shocking and explosive," he told reporters at a hastily called press conference. "All I ask is that the people of the great state of New Jersey give me sufficient time to invent a new story that explains my way out of this."

Governor Christie said that he had spent the past few hours in closed-door meetings trying to come up with a new narrative that absolves him of any guilt in the bridge scandal, but while he was definitely denying the allegations, "so far, we don't have a winner."

"We've been tossing around everything from my not remembering events correctly to my having a bad reaction to medication," he said. "We even floated the idea of my being under too much pressure and having to ‘blow off steam.' As I said, we don't have a winner yet. But I want to reassure the people of New Jersey that I am working very hard on this."

The Governor said he understood that "things don't look very good for me right now," but he urged the public against rushing to judgment, adding, "I will get back to you with a well-crafted and plausible story as soon as possible."

AFTERTHOUGHT: DO WE HAVE THE KRISPYMAN UNDER OATH?

I mean saying under oath that he knew nada about the GWB lane closings as retribution against Fort Lee Mayor Mark Sokolich? That seems important, to lay the groundwork for a perjury prosecution. I know there won't be much jail time, but it's a start, while prosecutors finally begin taking a close look at, well, everything he's done since he began his Reign of Loathing and Horror.

SCHEDULE NOTE: SUNDAY CLASSICS PREVIEW

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