DownWithTyranny!: The Idiocracy Files (Redux), Part 2: Beware the Girl Scouts, Sheldon Adelson, and more

[We continue the encore presentation of Noah's 2012 Idiocracy series. When I told him I was rerunning the series (begun last night with Part 1), he replied, "Running Idiocracy works fine. Repug nuttery is, unfortunately, timeless." And don't forget Noah's new "Need a last-minute Christmas gift suggestion?," "50 Years Ago Today: The Beatles," and "A Tale of Two Popes -- the one in the Vatican and the one in North Carolina."]

FOX "News" in the age of Idiocracy

"As the 21st century began, human evolution was at a turning point. Natural selection, the strongest, the smartest, the fastest, reproduced in greater numbers than the rest, a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man, now began to favor different traits. Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized and more intelligent, but as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. A dumbing down. How did this happen? Evolution doesn't necessarily reward intelligence. With no natural predators to thin the herd, it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most and left the intelligent to become an endangered species."

-- The Narrator, Idiocracy

by Noah

If you are not familiar with Mike Judge's Idiocracy, a fine cinematic depiction of the results of our culture's snowballing dumbdown, I suggest that you visit yesterday's Idiocracy post ("2012: The Year That Idiocracy Moments Broke the Scale, Part 1") for an introduction. What follows are more tidbits of evidence that Judge has, at the very least, given a window view of our 500-years-from-now future, if not our present day.

Imagine a world where Snooki is celebrated as an Einstein, a world where her utterances are misunderstood, not because she is too stupid for the room, but because she is too smart for the room.

Imagine a world where several hundred thousand people a night camp in front of their TV Oracle Machine to watch Bill "My Brain Hurts" O'Reilly spoon-feed his wisdom, only to be followed on the air by a man named Sean, who sits wearing a suit jacket, a propeller beanie, and a tutu, joined by a talking parrot named Ann who plumbs the depths of her blackened mind to come up with the most outrageous freakshow squawking she can muster.

Imagine a world where Sarah Palin not only exists but is taken seriously by 50 million people who think she is fit to be a heartbeat way from leading the Free World.

This is Idiocracy, and we don't have to wait 500 years. The very existence of reality shows and fake news is proof enough. None of it is any different than Idiocracy. The movie's No. 1 reality show is named Ow! My Balls! It's a show that is nothing but what the title implies, a full hour of mental and physical mistakes that result in serious pain in "the man area."

Do you need more evidence that we live in a state of Idiocracy? Then read on.

1. Beware the Girl Scouts of America!

To at least one man, Republican (what else?) Indiana State Sen. Bob Morris, and his supporters and staff, the Girl Scouts are a radical-feminist-lesbo organization that exists, not to sell cookies and gain merit badges, but to recruit and train future radical feminist lesbians. Gee, I thought that was what Lesbo Club in high school was for!

Morris believes that this nefarious organization also pushes an abortion lifestyle and, wait for it, communism. What year is this? 1953? 2012? 2506? Morris also notes that the wicked Michelle Obama is an honorary president of the organization. Well, there you have it! Say no more!

But wait, there's more. Morris got all the info he needed from "well-informed constituents" and a “small amount of web-based research." He added that the Girl Scouts is a tactical arm of another evil Devil-approved organization that goes by the named of Planned Parenthood. Citizens, beware!

In addition, Morris is a man of his words. He has pulled his own two girls out of the Girl Scouts and they are now participating in another organization to "learn about values and principles that will not confuse their conservative Hoosier upbringing." Well, all righty then!

2. Just a Thought: If I were Sheldon Adelson and I had $150,000,000 or more to give to some cause . . .

Would I be smarter to give that money to cancer researchers, bio-fuel development, helping end hunger, or the presidential campaigns of Newt Gingrich and, then, Mitt Romeny? Hell, I'm not unsympathetic. I know there's a lot of Chinese gangster money to launder. Those Adelson casinos in Macao can't service it all.

Just a thought, though.

3. Meanwhile in Mississippi

Back in March, in the heat of NCAA basketball's March Madness, Southern Mississippi played Kansas State, a team that included a young man from Puerto Rico named Angel Rodriguez. Sounds fine so far, right? The problem began when members of the Southern Mississippi band stated chanting "Where's your green card?" at Rodriguez as he stepped to the foul line to shoot.

I don't know about you, but I think I knew that Puerto Rico is part of the United States by the time I left fourth grade. I guess admission standards are pretty low at ol' Southern Miss, but then, we do know that the people of Mississippi consider themselves to be part of the Confederacy and not these United States, so maybe we should be more understanding.

4. The Dimmest Bulb

In a real Ow! My Balls! moment, one of the state of Iowa's finest, Rep. Steve King, went off on those squiggly energy-efficient lightbulbs at the CPAC hoedown in Washington earlier this year.

Just look at this guy! I-n-s-a-n-e! To Republicans everywhere, these energy-efficient bulbs serve multiple purposes. Depending on mood or paranoia level, they are the false idol, the fatted calf, or the Devil himself -- or even, conveniently, all of these rolled into one. Regarding being "forced" to use the new longer-lasting and more energy-efficient lightbulbs in Capitol building offices, King says:

I would screw them out and send the interns out to get me some of those good Edison lightbulbs. And those interns would come back sometimes empty-handed in tears, because they couldn't come up with a regular Edison lightbulb.

Making interns cry and threatening the fabric of the universe is all blamed on Nancy Pelosi and President Obama, the two biggest names in the Repug Pantheon of Evildoers. King refers to the Capitol janitors as Nancy Pelosi's Stasi troops, in reference to the Nazi-like East Germans secret police of the '50s and '60s. The first problem is that Pelosi isn't the speaker, so she doesn't determine what lightbulbs a moron like King can use. The second, and bigger, problem is: It was one George W. Bush who decreed the evil lightbulbs' use in Washington's government offices back when he was pretending to be president, in an effort to save taxpayer money. But hey, why let facts get in the way of a good story?

"We're gonna take you back, to the year 1939, when Charlie Chaplin and his Nazi regime enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world."

-- The Narrator, Idiocracy

Charlie Chaplin in The Great Dictator (1940)

TOMORROW: The Idiocracy Files, Part 3: Republicans Seek to Create a New Country. It's Called Crackpotopia!!!

THE IDIOCRACY FILES

The world of Mike Judge's 2006 film Idiocracy, projected for 500 years into the future, arrives 494 years early!

"As the 21st century began, human evolution was at a turning point. Natural selection, the strongest, the smartest, the fastest, reproduced in greater numbers than the rest, a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man, now began to favor different traits. Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized and more intelligent, but as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. A dumbing down. How did this happen? Evolution doesn't necessarily reward intelligence. With no natural predators to thin the herd, it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most and left the intelligent to become an endangered species."

-- The Narrator, Idiocracy

Part 1: 2012: The Year That Idiocracy Moments Broke the Scale
Part 2: Beware the Girl Scouts, Sheldon Adelson, and more
Part 3: Republicans Seek to Create a New Country. It's Called Crackpotopia!!!
Part 4: Special Arkansas Edition
Part 5: The U.S. $enate Meets with Its Landlord