How Could Louisiana Have NOT Voted For Little Ricky The Rooster Santorum?

When the story behind the headlines about hypocritical Senator David Vitter leaked out, it was pretty disgusting-- calling hookers from the floor of the Senate while voting was taking place, cavorting with innumerable prostitutes in Washington and Louisiana for over a decade, cheating on his wife and disgracing his family, paying women to spank him for soiling his diapers... How could anyone's political career withstand these kinds of revelations. Welcome to Louisiana, ya'll! Louisiana ranks at or near the bottom of every list of states that measures health, education, economic fairness, infant mortality, poverty, violent crime... almost any kind of achievement that takes a competent government to deliver for its citizens. Louisiana is always in contention with Mississippi and Alabama for the bottom of the barrel. And yesterday, as predicted, Lousiana joined those two misfortunate states in supporting the candidacy for the GOP presidential nomination of Little Ricky "The Rooster" Santorum, America's ultimate loser.

Rooster beat the Mormon with patrician airs, 49-27%-- another heavy porno-consuming state in Santorum's column. Exit polls showed that those who thought electing a true conservative trumped other considerations gave Santorum an edge-- 72-5%-- over Willard. Republicans making over $200,000 annually favored Romney. GOP media, though, is calling last night Santorum's last hurrah.

Last week Florida progressive Alan Grayson gave Santorum some simple, straight forward advice: "Rick, If You're Against Porn, Don't Watch It." Although Romney's ancestral home, Utah, is the state most addicted to pornography, it's the red states, states that voted most heavily for McCain-- and especially the states that are casting their GOP ballots for "The Rooster"-- that have the most pornography use. These Republicans are the most self-loathing, sick motherfuckers on the face on God's good earth. Grayson's message to Santorum is something they should all read:

In a TV interview on Sunday, Rick Santorum said that if he is elected President, he will file criminal charges against the distribution of pornography. Santorum specifically referred to "exposure on the Internet," so presumably he would censor the Internet.

The Internet Police. What a concept.

Santorum complained that President Bush enforced "the law" (probably alluding to the "Child Online Protection Act," passed in 1998), but President Obama has not. Well, there's a reason for that. The US Supreme Court held that the law is unconstitutional, and the Court issued its final ruling in that case on the day after President Obama was sworn into office.


But let us give credit where credit is due. A Republican candidate for President finally has come up with a jobs program: policing the Internet for porn. All 50 billion pages of it.

I have a dramatically simpler idea.

Rick, if you're against pornography, then don't watch it.

You see how that works? Let me give you some more examples.

If you're against contraception, don't use it.

If you're against abortion, don't have one.

If you're against Moslems, don't become one.

If you're against gay marriage, don't have one.

If you're against unions, don't join one.

If you're against universal health care, just keep your distance from doctors and hospitals.

If you're against homosexuality, then feel free to limit your sexual interest to the 3 billion human beings of the opposite gender.

What I'm basically trying to say to Rick Santorum, and everyone like Rick Santorum, is this: mind your own business.

Even as the voters in Louisiana were going to the polls, the GOP Establishment was claiming a Santorum win would be irrelevant and that if Romney wins in Wisconsin April 3, it will be time for Santorum to shut down the show and back Willard. And, yes, the Romney campaign had asked David "Diapers" Vitter to not endorse his campaign before the primary. As for Santorum voters... they're the kind of low-info morons ads like this appeal to: