Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates... Or Something Like That

-by Noah

Forest Gump had a way with words, and, dumb as he was, he was miles ahead of Washington. The other day I got a cheezy email plea from Guy Cecil of the Republican-Lite DSCC (Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee) to vote on some possible 2012 slogans, or suggest some of my own: something that might work on a bumper sticker. The email began:

“Got a slogan? Here’s your chance at fame. The DSCC is holding a slogan contest…”

They even put the first sentence in big, bold type! That passes for assertiveness in the Big Wide Democratic Party World. And, oh, that appeal to my ego. Wow! A chance at fame! Why is everything in Washington about ego? Why? It’s seemingly always about fame first down there. Helping people? That’s way down the list. Way down.

The DSCC’s own list of choices to vote on was pretty lame to say the least, shockingly so:
 
          1) We’ve Got Your Back, Barack

          2) Repeal Republicans In 2012

          3) Had Enough Tea?

          4) Brick by Brick, We’re Building A Firewall

          5) Hey GOP? You’re Firewalled!

It’s truly incredible that those five slogans are regarded by some committee of numbnuts as the best ones. What didn’t make the cut? [Ed.- My entry was "Still not as bad as the Republicans.] Of the five, I liked “Had Enough Tea” the best, but, really I found this list seriously lacking, borderline illiterate at best, and completely unworthy of my vote; not unlike the huge majority of candidates of either major party. Hell, I don’t even know what the last two slogans are supposed to mean!      
 

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I ignored the DSCC’s request to participate in their puny little charade. Silly me. So, they sent it again. Silly them. Well, DSCC, you asked. I know you bunch of slithering 2-faced a-holes in suits won’t understand how or why I could feel the way I do and I seriously know you won’t care, but, hey, you asked! I’m just being a dutiful citizen so here goes. Some of my suggestions: 

 
 
          1) The Hell With BOTH Parties!

          2) Time’s Up, Washington!

          3) 2012: End (Corporate) Welfare As We Know It!

          4) Tax The Top 1%!

          5) NO Gated Community Will Save You!

          6) Put Washington and Wall Street In Jail!

          7) Impeachment & Justice For All!

          8) Off With Their Heads!!!!

          9) Repugs & Blue Dogs=2 Peas In A Pod!

          10) Hey Congress, Ship Yourselves Overseas!

          11) 50 Cents A Day Is NOT A Job!

          12) Give Us The Health Care YOU Have!

          13) Washington: There Is No There There

          14) We Can Fix Politicians, At The Vet!

          15) Repeal K Street Kriminals!

          16) Washington Is Not Your Friend!

          17) WASHINGTON: THANKS FOR NOTHIN'!

          18) My Children Will Play Soccer With Your Heads.

          19) 2012: They Think You’re Stupid.

          20) DC To US: Drop Dead!

          21) God Made America. The Devil Made Politicians!

          22) The Only Good Politician Is An Unemployed Politician!

          23) You Have A Limo. I Have A Guillotine!

          24) Washington: Stupid Is As Stupid Does.

          25) Boehner & Barack: 2 Sides Of The Same Wall St. Coin!

          26) Washington: Bought & Sold

          27) DC: Where Bribery Rules!

          28) Washington: Soon To Be A Tent City!

          29) An Alley And A Blanket Is Not A Home!

          30) 2012: Clean Out The Corporatist Slime!

          31) It's The PEOPLE, Stupid!

          32) Mourning (In) America

 
Obviously, these are just a few of my early morning thoughts, just jotted down stream of conscious style before breakfast. I know some are better than others but, unlike the Democratic Party, they do express an attitude and I see that as a very good thing. The likes of wimpy ol’ whisper-face Harry Reid could take a few pointers from me, no?
 
          “Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far far way from here.”
 
So said Forest Gump’s love, Jenny Curran, as her father was chasing her through the fields around her family’s house in order to beat her again. That seems like an apt metaphor for how both parties and their corporate masters have been treating us for years. To them, a slogan or a buzzword is just a means to get be first in line at the K Street money trough. Substance is an unknown concept in DC. Instead, it’s “Find ‘em. Chat ‘em up. Get their votes and forget ‘em”; spoken like the true overgrown frat boys that the majority of them are. Perhaps some of them even know we are angry but, to them, it’s a matter of “The beatings will continue until morale improves.” That, therein, is the genius of Washington.
 
          “Sometimes, I guess there just aren’t enough rocks.”
                                                                                  - Forest Gump
 
I happen to think that all of us should make suggestions in answer to the DSCC’s request for bumper sticker ideas. I sent mine and I invite DWT readers to go to the DSCC website and make suggestions of their own. I’d suggest doing the same with whatever equivalent Repug site there is but, really, why bother? It would be an even more pointless exercise. Never try to teach a pig to sing. Anyway, tell the DSCC how you really feel in just a few short, snappy slogans. If you awaken one slumbering Washington mind, you’ve made a contribution to our society. Give them some shock & all. Bring the HELL directly to them! Just do it!