There's Something Very Sick About The Way This Whole Religion Thing Has Evolved

This week, a Philadelphia Roman Catholic Cardinal, very reluctantly, suspended 21 unnamed pedophile priests who had been molesting-- some raping-- young boys.

The archdiocese’s action follows a damning grand jury report issued Feb. 10 that accused the archdiocese of a widespread cover-up of predatory priests, stretching over decades, and said that as many as 37 priests remained active in the ministry despite credible accusations against them.

Of those 37 priests, 21 were suspended; three others already had been placed on administrative leave after the grand jury detailed accusations against them. Five others would have been suspended, the church said in a statement, but three are no longer active and two are no longer active in the Philadelphia Archdiocese. The church said that in eight cases, no further investigation was warranted.

The head of the Roman Catholic child sex ring in Philly, Justin Francis Rigali, is too well-connected to be arrested and he's still running around free in his robes and gowns. The Roman Catholic Church has been active in spreading lies about the LGBT community and fighting against equality-- when they're not raping children or covering it up.

Meanwhile, the new Advocate has evangelical sociopath Ted Haggard on the cover. He's reformed, he affirms, and now favors marriage equality in his new church in right-wing hot house Colorado Springs... although he won't perform any in his own church. Religionists use an old book of fairy tales, which they call the Bible--pronounced "Buy Bull"-- to justify whatever prejudices or bigotry is in vogue. As Ivana Wynn pointed out for Ranker, "Fundamentalists hold the most extreme and literal interpretations of The Bible and are quick to point you to a Bible passage to prove that something like homosexuality is abominable and condemns you to hell or that molesting children is fine as long as you say some words quietly into your hands. Conveniently, they ignore some of the most straightforward rules for no reason other than that they just don't fit in with the type of society they want." Here are some of the most egregious instances she cites:

Women Will Never Teach Or Have Authority Over Men

"I permit no women to teach of have authority over men; she is to keep silent." Timothy 2:11

This is the most often quoted version of this passage, but in the King James Bible, it goes a little bit more like this...

"Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection," which has been translated and taken as the primary passage that doesn't allow women to be preachers. The whole section is really about women not being able to "malign the word of God" if they're not allowed to speak.

Keep in mind the first "big bad" antagonist in The Bible is women, as a sex.

So, since some woman allegedly bit into a delicious looking fruit at some point thousands of years ago, best to attribute one action to an entire sex (just to be safe).

While this is a little brutal, bringing up this passage to someone who looks like these fine ladies to your left will most likely shut them up (or at the very least garner a really interesting response).

All women holding up hateful signs are officially moot in the eyes of God, much like they are in the eyes of the rational, so hey, there's a good side to this rule.

Non-Virgins Are To Be Stoned (As In, With Rocks)

"But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you." (Deuteronomy 22: 20-21)

The "father's house" in Paris Hilton's case would be any Hilton hotel, so we know that if fundamentalists were really taking everything the way "God" intended, then it should be a well-known and widespread Christian agenda to call for the public stoning of Paris Hilton.

Also, there are edge-cases where if a little girl has an accident or is injured during sports, The Bible says they should be stoned to death.

It's pretty well known that it's entirely possible (and not at all irregular) for a young woman's hymen to be accidentally broken due to accidents or even playing certain sports like gymnastics.

This also means that in order to enforce a rule like this, we'd need to have regular "Hymen Checks" at churches, but we don't, because we're human beings and we're trying to live in a little thing called "society."

So then why let this one slide and not things like gay marriage?

Divorce And Remarrying Are Both Considered Adultery

"Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery." (Luke 16:18)

Ooookay, so no church should ever marry people who have already been married if this is the rule.

If anyone in a fundamentalist's family has ever been divorced or re-married, then they are going to hell.

Most people don't observe this rule because it clearly says in The Bible that you can pick and choose which rules you follow (it doesn't).

How to Use:

According to this passage, all members of the congregation that have been divorced and/or remarried would be sinners and should be kicked out of the church. With a 50% divorce rate in America, it's safe to say that people are selectively ignoring this rule, yet somehow still seeing themselves as "pious."

If You Disobey God, You Will Eat Your Babies

If in spite of this you still do not listen to me but continue to be hostile toward me, 28 then in my anger I will be hostile toward you, and I myself will punish you for your sins seven times over. 29 You will eat the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters."(Leviticus 26:27-30)

If you break even a single one of these rules, you need to eat your children. Doesn't matter how old they are, doesn't matter what you do, but if you disobey God and his ways, he's going to wreak some serious havoc.

In this part of Leviticus, it's really God making a bunch of threats rules and maybe he just got a little out of hand, but yes, he says that if you disobey him, he's gonna make you eat your kids.

How to Use:

You might as well put on the Food Network, get some good recipes ready and hand them to someone next time a Christian fundamentalist tries to pull their piety card out. If they're not following this rule, then why follow rules that allow hate towards people different than they are?

Cursing At Your Parents Warrants Death

"For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him." (Leviticus 20:9)

If every kid in America who cursed at his parents was killed, we'd have to worry about repopulating the country. Every day.

So, really all you'll have to do to silence any screaming protester outside an abortion clinic, military funeral, or even a family member that's being a little too smug about their religious beliefs is ask them how their parents are doing.

The context of this forgotten rule is all part of Christianity's established hierarchy, which gives parents absolute power over their children, and all men power over women. So if you're a father, you really have more power than pretty much everyone on earth except God.

How to Use:

Try bringing this up in front of a man's wife or children, see how that goes.

Giving Birth To A Daughter Makes You Unclean For 66 Days

"But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days." (Leviticus 12:5)

People should hold signs that say "God Hates Women" because it really will be the most accurate Christian sign you could ever make.

God made the one thing women were actually appreciated for, the ability to give birth to life, a dirty act.

When women give birth to their children at the hospital now, they are immediately handed their child because that's what you want to do when you pop out a kid after carrying it for nine months in your belly -- not go through 66 days of church-mandated shame.

How to Use:

Next time one of your devout relatives or someone who always thinks they're right during religious debates has a daughter, politely bring up the fact that in the eyes of God, the mother is a dirty whore who needs to wait 66 days before being allowed anywhere near anything clean ever again.

She should probably also shower regularly.

There are 20 like this... lots of fun with the followers of Buy Bulls. I say these crazy people are entitled to believe in whatever psychosis they embrace... but they should be taxed just like any other business.