The Noah Diaries 2011 (21): If the Republican Party was a '70s horror movie . . .

FAA shutdown, "concerned" Repug mom, Rupert's mop-haired henchgal fired?, damn Methodists!, another "debate," and more

. . . it would be directed by Wes Craven.

by Noah

8/5/11 -- The FAA shutdown: If the Republican Party was a '70s horror movie (not much of a stretch), it would be directed by Wes Craven

Yes, Wes Craven, of The Hills Have Eyes, Last House on the Left, Summer of Fear, and of course Nightmare on Elm Street. These movies are solid metaphors for how normal Americans are being attacked by the Republican Party. For instance, in Last House on the Left two young people are kidnapped and tormented by a gang of psychotic convicts. In The Hills Have Eyes a typical American family has a horrific encounter with some inbred "hill people," who impress me as being the offspring of teabaggers.



One can hope that we could customize the endings so that the victims of the evildoers would rise up at the end and send the likes of House Leader Eric Cancer, Miss McConnell et al. to the proverbial burning pit for being the party of mayhem, paranoia, and violence.

This time the evil ones have decided to shut down the FAA, putting the safety of already fearful and beleaguered airline passengers at risk, but hey, what does that matter when you are soulless fiends leading a Culture of Death? Safety inspections? We don't need your stinking safety inspections! Keeping runways in repair? Who cares if they have potholes as your plane zooms down the asphalt on takeoff or hits a hole coming in for a landing at high speed? Construction projects to make going to an airport a more efficient, safe, secure, and pleasant experience? Bah! Who wants that?

The nihilistic Repug krazies shut down the FAA and went on vacation -- no doubt well-paid-for vacations -- while 70,000 construction workers working on airport projects suddenly had to scramble and look for new work in a very bad economy. "Where are the jobs?" say the Repugs. "Let them starve," say the Repugs.

Eventually the Senate, led by Harry Reid of all people, stepped in with a temporary reprieve from the Republican psychosis, arranging for normalcy to resume at our airports. Meanwhile, the government, during this planned mayhem, stood to lose as much as $400 million in flight- ticket taxes that instead would go directly to the airlines, as a gift from Repugs. Those taxes usually pay for the safety measures and construction projects. I wonder how much of that $400 million was earmarked to end up being kicked back to the pockets, as "campaign contributions," of whores like John Boehner. Now that's what I call fund-raising! Nice try!


8/8/11 -- How FOX works: One morning earlier in the year, Amber Hahn played a concerned mother on FOX & Fiends . . .

. . . as the Madison (WI) demonstrations were revving up. She spoke about her concern for "the children" and her support for Gov. Scott Walker. FOX seemingly "forgot" to identify her as a local Republican Party chairman. Six months later she was arrested for DWI, with the kids she was so-o-o concerned about in the car.


8/8/11 -- The girl with the janitor mop hair

I guess it comes down to the meaning of "fired." Rebekah Brooks, aka Rupert Murdoch's right hand, was "fired" because of her roll in the Murdoch News of the World phone-hacking scandal. She's still on the payroll, though. Got a nice new car too!

Not to be childishly mean or catty or anything, but you'd think that with all her money she could do something about that hair. It looks like an overused janitor's mop that has cleaned an awful lot of floors. Ah, but it seems that her employees managed to take a swell parting shot at her by savaging her in the clues for the last NOTW daily crossword puzzle.

Some very fishy clues managed to sneak their way past the editors (or, rather, managed to sneak their way in with the consent of the editors).

Some of the clues in the paper's Quickie crossword include "Brook," "stink" and "catastrophe."

Another crossword included the clues "criminal enterprise" and "string of recordings," which could reference both the hacking scandal and the leaked recordings of Brooks' chat with News of the World staffers. There was also "woman stares wildly at calamity." The answer to that particular clue? "Disaster." Other answers included "menace," "deplored," "stench" and "tart.

8/8/11 -- Judson Phillips, founder of Tea Party Nation, says Wisconsinites who are standing up for teachers, police, and firemen are "the left's modern version of brownshirts"

Campaigning for WI Republican State Sen. Alberta Darling, he added: "I detest and despise everything that the left stands for. How anybody can endorse and embrace an ideology that has killed a billion people in the last century is beyond me."

Yes, well, I guess lots of things are beyond a knucle-dragger like Judson Phillips and his foolish and hateful followers. Need another quote from the Little Red Book of Chairman Phillips? How about: "I have a dream. That is, no more Methodist Church." The Methodist Church? Yeah, I've heard those damn Methodists can really get down and wild and crazy liberal!

The Methodist Church is pro-illegal immigration. They have been in the bag for socialist health care, going as far as sending out e-mails to their membership "debunking" the myths of Obamacare. . . . In short, if you hate America, you have a great future in the Methodist Church.

I'm surprised this guy isn't running for the Repug nomination for president. He'd fit right in with the rest of the gang. Someday soon the teabaggers will have run through every possible target for their hatred but themselves. Then the fun will really get under way!

It turns out that one thing that bugs the twisted mind of Judson Phillips is that the church supports the Dream Act. How dare the Methodist Church follow the teachings of that damn long-hair named Jesus without the permission of the Tea Party! But it's not just about immigrants from south of the border. Phillips has also argued that it's a "wise idea" to only let property owners vote. He also believes that voters should "retire" Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison. Why? Has Ellison joined the Methodist Church? Nope. Ellison should be retired because "he is the only Muslim member of Congress." He isn't. There's also Rep. Andre Carlson of Indiana. But once we're rid of them, who else, Phillips? Who's next on your McCarthyite list? Presbyterians? Congregationalists?

Maybe this is the guy who Michele Bachmann should have married. And they wonder why we call them wingnuts. What would Jesus do?

Have a look at Phillips in action, talking to Chris Matthews about a certain birth certificate.



If I had to guess, I'd say the guy left school after the third grade.


8/9/11 -- Mike Huckabee says the liberal media is hiding truth of 9/11

What "truth"? That Bush knew or was involved? Nope. Hucksterbee is just using the 10th anniversary to sell some history "teaching" videos for kids so they can learn about how good the Patriot Act is for them and their country and how George W. Bush was responsible for the death of Osama bin Laden. It's that righty alternate-universe thing again.

In the Huckster's mind, saying that liberals are critical of his videos will generate sales. And he's right. He knows that his sucker audience will fall for that line every hour of every day.


8/12/11 -- Lasting impressions: the Republican "debate"

On FOX. Michele Bachmann, in response to an attack from Tim Pawlenty, listed as her one piece of legislation, her grand accomplishment -- wait for it: crafting the Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act. Wow! Thanks, babe! This is like saying you crafted the Day-Glo Condom Act of 2007 or something.

These debates aren't even debates. You have seven or eight clowns out on a day pass from the institution, who spend the whole time fielding softball questions from some FOX News hack and taking meaningless bitchy swipes at each other rather than actually providing details about a subject (as if they could). Other than the heinous Gingrich, they aren't even capable of putting a coherent sentence together. Ron Paul looks like he just landed from the Moon, Rick Perry looks like he doesn't have the slightest idea where he is, and Romney looks like, well, like something from a department-store window.

They might as well be provided with bowls of mud they can dip their hands into and hurl at each other, or maybe they should just do what monkeys do. I'd like to see that! If this keeps on, whole generations will grow up not knowing what a debate actually is supposed to be. Yet another word is being redefined before our eyes. It's all part of the continued dumbing down of America. If terrorists watch these debates, they won't even bother attacking us. They'll know that they can't bring us any lower.

8/15/11 -- I keep having a problem understanding

The Republicans don't want government interference of any kind, yet they blame Obama, the head of the government, for not fixing the economy while they preach that "free market" mantra of theirs. Meanwhile, while they don't want government aiding those in need, or doing basic things like keeping food supplies safe or bridges in good repair, they do want government to aid the wealthy. Yes, their world truly is the Bizarro World.

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History in the making:
Selections from THE NOAH DIARIES 2011

Yesterday: (20) "The largest threat to our democracy is the emergence of a radical right getting most of the ransom it demands" (Robert Reich). Plus: Who are these people? I. Funeral fascists; II. Teabagging deadbeat dad. "Tar baby" and "coonskin"? What's next, "jigaboo"? (8/1-2/11)
Tomorrow: (22) "There is no more fraudulent public image in our politics" (Lawrence O'Donnell on Rudy Giuliani). Plus: GOP vs. nuclear safety, FOX lies, stick it to Karl Rove!, Darrell Issa's incognito aide, the pestilence of vulgarity, and more (8/17-30/11)

FOR A COMPLETE LISTING OF THE SERIES, CLICK HERE

And don't forget 2010's Year in Review series and 2009's "12 Days of Christmas Scorn"!

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