The Noah Diaries 2011 (9): Why do Republicans love the idea of royalty and all its trappings?

Mob mentality, dumb in Dixie, water! water!, AP punked, Jesse Ventura makes sense!, Repugs & government, and more


Why do righties love royalty? Simple: status. And since to Bushies and their kind status is all about how you were born, is it any wonder that, like Brits, they worship the upper classes? (See 4/15.)

by Noah

4/3/11 -- Today's multiple-choice quiz: mob mentality

An angry mob burns an effigy of Obama in the streets. Was the angry mob:

(a) a group of Muslim extremists?
(b) a group of teabaggers?
(c) a little of both, since the groups have so much in common?
(d) a FOX News office party?
(e) a group of frustrated progressives?

Answer: I don't think progressives are quite at the point of burning effigies, but let's see what happens by spring. All of the other choices could have been right, but one in particular is the best choice in this case: (a). The incident occurred after Florida Republikook pastor Terry Jones very publicly burned a Koran.

Says Pastor Terry, "Don't blame me!" Expect the pastor to run for governor soon. It is Florida, you know.

4/8/11 -- Every once in a while one of us will post a remark regarding the backward South of our country . . .

And someone always objects that things have changed, that lynchings are no longer considered nightly entertainment, that the South isn't racist, some of their best friends are darkies, blah-blah, etc. Then along comes a poll like this new one conducted by Raleigh (NC)-based Public Policy Polling. PPP polled Mississippi Republicans and found that 46 percent of state GOP voters believe that interracial marriage should be illegal, and 14 percent aren't sure. I wonder how they feel about interracial same-sex marriage down in Dixieland.

Keep in mind that: (a) a sizable number of Mississippians want to honor the founder of the KKK on their license plates, and (b) the governor of Mississippi is Haley Barbour, former head of the national Republican Party.

4/10/11 -- Do you think only bottled-water companies like Perrier are buying up aquifers?

Why am I not surprised that no one in the media has made the connection when an oil baron like T. Boone Pickens buys up water aquifers at the same time that energy companies are trying to buy off politicians left and right so they can indulge in the natural-gas drilling technique of fracking, which may well result in chemicals permeating our tap water so much that you can set it on fire right in the glass? What better way to corner the market on drinkable water supplies and present us with a future where we have to pay exorbitant prices for water by the gallon, just like gas at a gas station?

4/13/11 -- Yeah, like this would ever happen! (AP punked by fake GE press release)

NEW YORK — The Associated Press mistakenly published a story Wednesday about the General Electric Co. which was based on a fake press release. The fake release said that GE was repaying its $3.2 billion tax refund because of a wave of criticism over the amount of taxes it pays, or should we say doesn't pay.

The release, which was e-mailed to the AP, included a GE logo and a link to a website designed to look like GE's. The AP did no investigating and made no attempts to verify the story -- very professional! Thirty-five minutes after publication AP got so much feedback from the real world that it withdrew the story and advised its customers that the story was a hoax.

Said AP business "editor" Hal Ritter, "The AP did not follow its own standards in this case."

Two activist groups, US Uncut and the Yes Men, took responsibility for the hoax, according to Igor Vamos, who identified himself as a member of the Yes Men. The groups sought to raise awareness of corporate tax policy. They succeeded.


4/13/11 -- Jesse Ventura's Letter to the Ruling Class is worth some Year in Review exposure

from the weaintgottimetobleed.com blog (click to enlarge)

You control our world. You've poisoned the air we breathe, contaminated the water we drink, and copyrighted the food we eat. We fight in your wars, die for your causes, and sacrifice our freedoms to protect you. You've liquidated our savings, destroyed our middle class, and used our tax dollars to bail out your unending greed. We are slaves to your corporations, zombies to your airwaves, servants to your decadence. You've stolen our elections, assassinated our leaders, and abolished our basic rights as human beings. You've monopolized our freedom, stripped away our education, and have extinguished our flame. We are hit. We are bleeding but we ain't got time to bleed.. We will bring the giants to their knees and you will witness our revolution.

In my dream world this would be repeated aloud by schoolchildren every morning, like the Pledge of Allegiance, and it would work swell before all sporting events. There could even be a TV commercial like those old "I'd like to teach the world to sing" ones.




4/15/11 -- Republicans don't believe in government involvement except --

* when it comes to libraries and your personal reading list
* when you're in record stores, and what CDs you purchase
* for defusing established safety regulations for mines, nuke plants, control towers, etc.
* at your doctor's office, hospital, or clinic
* in your bedroom
* when it comes to who you can marry and when
* when forcing you and your child to drink radiated milk and eat genetically altered food
* reading your e-mail
* for stripping workers of rights in order to bring intimidation back to the workplace
* for approving your religion
* for forcing you to pee in a cup if you get an unemployment check
* for decreeing that you should pray in schools
* for giving your tax dollars to oil and agribusiness companies
* when overturning local elections
* when selling off local assets to corporate cronies
* to make it harder if not impossible to vote


Paul Weyrich says, "I don't want everybody to vote."

The list is endless; I only mentioned 16. Republicans like to chant about how the government shouldn't interfere with how business is conducted. Interesting. The first thing the new teabagger govs did was try and use their power to bust unions -- sounds like government interference to me. Gee, I thought the people should decide how business is conducted. Free market and all that.

Let's call the Republican style of government what it is: selective interference. Or perhaps dictatorship is a better word.

4/15/11 -- We're being assaulted with the incessant specter of a British Royal Wedding

Fortunately, it doesn't happen too often, but this year,. I am so-o-o glad that my personal ancestors at least had the good sense to get out of Britain -- for many reasons, not the least of which is the idea that I could be living in Merry Olde and have to find my way through a minefield of Britain's greatest generation of drunken youth passed out in their own beer vomit on the sidewalks every day. New York may not be a paradise. Let's face it, the London Underground sure beats our urine-soaked, rat-infested subway, but above ground in London you not only have the majority of the population bombed out of their inbred minds, you have a city where everyone drives like a New York cab driver.

But let's cut to the chase. What is so damn special about the son of a waste of space like Prince Charles getting married? Nada. Yet millions of Brits seem to get all joyously weepy at the prospect and spend millions celebrating it, stuffing their homes with everything from tea towels and commemorative plates that picture the happy fairytale couple to surround-sound DVDs of the actual wedding. How'd it work out the last time? Lady Di was driven to her death by a frenzied multinational press corps, and Prince Charles longed to be reborn as his mistress's tampon. Hey, at least he'd be doing something useful.

To show that I am a guy of generous spirit when it comes to the Brits, I will say that I have often loved their music, but none of that came from the royals. The idea of watching a royal fumbling at an instrument is cringe-inducing to the max, and please, please, don't try to sing! Monty Python has always had a big place in my heart, but that's because they simply depicted what they saw everyday and hilarity ensued. They feasted on naturally if unintentionally hilarious subject matter, and their skits still ring all too true today, "Upper Class Twit of the Year" among them.

As for the son of a prince and his bride, I give him all the credit in the world for selecting a young lady who happens to be -- shock! horror! -- a commoner! This rash action, to which his imperious grandmother objects, will provide a much-needed supply of fresh genes to the Royal Family, whether they want it or not. In fact, it may just save them, not only biologically, but also in the eyes of their subjects, thus guaranteeing continued bountiful sales of tea mugs and postage stamps that picture a badly dressed queen of not-immediately-obvious gender.

What does it all mean to us in these here not-so-United States? Other than the litter of TV and magazine coverage, special supercalifragilistic Royal Wedding editions, imported and otherwise, I can only think of the political aspect. This is where it gets more meaningful to me, when I think of how much the Bushies and their disgusting ilk worship the Royal Family.

I remember Nixon coming back from his trip across the pond and immediately dressing up the White House guards like big Victorian-era toy soldiers, covered in gold braid like a platoon of Michael Jacksons and wearing the big silly hats that go over so well with those who worship royalty. The laughter and derision did nothing for Nixon's reputation as an anti-"man of the people," and the spiffy uniforms disappeared in about a week. I'd love to know what happened to them. Mothballs? Traded to Ferdinand Marcos for a pair of his wife's shoes? Bought by USC's marching band? Who knows?

The bigger issue is: Why do Republicans lead the way in loving the idea of royalty and all its trappings so much? To me, the answer is simple. Status.

Think about it. As a for instance, they hate President Obama. Absolutely hate the man. Republicans have now taken to calling the president and his supporters "savages." You know, like those people, (if they can even be called that, who come from darkest Africa, the Amazon, or even our old American West. They continue to deny daily that he was even born here in "their" country. He is "other," and his parents were nothing. Whispers that food stamps were involved in his upbringing. Worse, his parents were race-mixed.

Status is at the core of it all, because for Republicans, like the Brits, it's all about social class and status, and there is no class or status that trumps the royals. To Republicans, despite all of their cynical diversion talk about pulling up by your own bootstraps, you earn your status in society from your parents, particularly your father. You are to the manor born, and you dare not think of actually owning a manor yourself someday, or for that matter moving into the White House. In their eyes Bill Clinton was also illegitimate, and they made no bones about it. The White House is reserved for a certain class, and you don't deserve it if you grew up from the bottom. Merit is genetic.

Two weeks later: Who doesn't love Princess Beatrice?

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History in the making:
Selections from THE NOAH DIARIES 2011

Yesterday: (8) Who's the most unprincipled GOP presidential contender? Plus: Guvs do Big Oil's dirty work, "human-decency gene"?, most unprincipled Repub contender?, shoot them immigrunts, and more (3/17-28/11)
Tomorrow: (10) Birther news from America's new number-one nut state. Plus: Homo-haters hate "gay" identity, selling Altoona, Orange County weasels' "wit," mean Charlie Manson, and a war on Easter? (4/17-24/11)

FOR A COMPLETE LISTING OF THE SERIES, CLICK HERE

And don't forget 2010's Year in Review series and 2009's "12 Days of Christmas Scorn"!

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