DWT Exclusive: An Advance Look at Glenn Beck's Conspiracy Revelations for 2011

by Noah

Glenn Beck just gets further and further out with his conspiracy theories. Millions of suckers believe him to be an "educator" just because he calls himself one. In reality, Beck is more of a Charlie Manson with a TV show. His followers buy into his fountain of "secret information" that the “lamestream” media refuses to provide, and focus their anger and frustration on the wrong targets. Only he, the great Beck, can provide this "information" to his exclusive club of millions of gullible fans, who will be the last to realize that they are being used and sent down the path of their own destruction while Beck and his masters rake in the dough and laugh behind their backs.

As the conspiracy stories get wilder and wilder, I have to wonder just how far beyond the realms of reality Beck will push in 2011. Of course, I also wonder at what point his naïve and gullible disciples will stop believing him and begin to feel like they’ve been had, big-time. By sheer luck, we here at Down With Tyranny have managed to find an Official Glenn Beck Double Secret Decoder Ring that was left on a sink in the Larry Craig Memorial Men's Room at the Minneapolis airport. The Decoder Ring has enabled us to give you a glimpse into Beck’s future conspiracy claims for the coming year. Do not despair. From what we have seen so far, Beck’s George Soros fetish and his obsessions with a Red Menace, the SEIU, and President Obama show no signs of abating, but 2011 just might go down as the year he loses his grip completely. By October he may be speaking in tongues and rolling on the floor, kicking his legs in the air like a poisoned cockroach.

OK, kiddies, let’s go to the blackboard!

1. The red maple trees, so prevalent in the Northeast, and so obviously symbols of communism, were bio-engineered by Harvard Intellectual Communists and M.I.T.-based “scientists” during Franklin Roosevelt’s first term, to send a subliminal pro-communist message. This explains the far-left leanings of voters in the Northeast. It’s no mere coincidence that the red maple’s leaves change to red just before November election days. Ted Kennedy had a red maple tree planted in his back yard by a team of SEIU members who were under the control of Freemasons. ‘Nuff said.

2. George Soros, a prize target of previous Beck fantasies, frequently travels back in time to spread pandemics that have caused much death and social upheaval throughout history. He was responsible for the Russian Revolution and was a member of Hitler’s previously unknown Junior Jews for Hitler Advisory Council both as a child and as an adult, all at the same time. A recently unearthed 2000 year old stone tablet contains a photograph of Soros smiling at the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.



3. George Soros also secretly sank JFK’s PT 109 and then rescued him and motored him to that remote island in the Pacific aboard his 100-foot atomic-powered invisibility-cloaked elitist super-yacht. He did this so that JFK could run for president as a war hero 15 years after the war. Fortunately, Republican agents were able to cut short his presidency.

4. If Sarah Palin is elected president in 2012, God will fill the sky with a giant rainbow that will lead to a really big, super-ginormous pot of gold that will only be available to those who truly believe in Sarah’s superpowers and subscribe to ghe Glenn Beck Premium Podcast. And only if they act now!

5. The TSA’s airport-scanner technology was stolen from the makers of the X-ray specs that have been advertised in the back of comic books for decades. George Soros was part of this and was able to pull it off through the mind-control chips he placed in the necks of government officials when he abducted them in his fusion-powered flying saucer. The aliens work for him, and the famous anal probes are just a bit of dastardly misdirection on his part. Don’t worry about them.

6. The SEIU, working with ACORN under the direction of the Neptune chapter of the Illuminati, is behind the explosion of bedbugs in New York and other major cities. The connecting clue is the word 'bed." Remember, there were communists under every bed in the 1950s. Joe McCarthy proved this, and was destroyed by the Marxist-fascist media. "Bed" + "bugs" -- it’s right there in plain sight! Each bedbug is actually a complex biomechanical spy device designed by Bill Ayers and made in Chinatown by illegal-immigrant Maoists. ACORN, which has only pretended to disband, continues to do the actual distribution of the bedbugs by going door to door under the guise of voter registration. Do not let these people near your home!

7. It is little known that stem-cell research has been tried before and failed miserably. Early experiments were conducted at Obama’s top-secret Mason-run moon-base madrassa. Nancy Pelosi herself was the result of a stem-cell cloning gone horribly wrong, when some of her cells were inadvertently mixed with those of Mussolini. We are investigating the origins of Rachel Maddow right now, and will issue a report to all Deluxe Premium Podcast subscribers as soon as the Internet allows us to.

8. Che Guevara, Van Jones, and Fidel Castro are all the same person, the same Marxist-fascist crusader for things like “social justice” and “health care,” which we all know are some kind of “reparations.” Again: Che, Van Jones, Fidel -- same person. Think about it: Guevara’s body was never found. And this is the clincher: Have you ever seen a photograph of Che, Van Jones, and Fidel together in one picture? What more proof do you need???

9. An army of Al Gore-trained gay militants with stem-cell-made extra genitalia want to take over the military by removing DADT so they can control the military’s super-duper-top-secret weather-control machines, the same machines that the libruls used to make Katrina happen a year before the 2006 elections.

10. In the old days of the West there were people who had one white parent and one Injun one. They were called “half-breeds.” Often these half-breeds chose to live in a tribal group with their Indian relatives. These societies were based on communal living. That’s right, communism! Right here in America! President Obama has one white parent and one black parent. He is a half-breed. So you can see, his world view is communistic!

Mark my words, Obama has a deep-seated desire to return former Indian lands to Indians, and if re-elected in 2012, he will do it before he leaves office. Michele Bachmann has told me that Obama has a super-secret plan to relocate as many white people as he can to the FEMA camps I have mentioned previously. Be afraid, white folks, be very afraid!

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