Why all the fuss about Rick Perry's "gaffe"? Is there anyone who didn't already know he's a moron and a thug? Really?

"The American people have to decide what’s worse, forgetting which agencies you plan to get rid of or forgetting which ladies you tried to nail when you were running the National Restaurant Association. I can tell you this, if somebody asked me if I remembered who I’d sexually harassed I could sure as shit tell you their names. But please don’t ask me that."

-- Texas Gov. Rick Perry, according to the Borowitz Report

by Ken

Well, sure, I can see where it was awkward when Governor Rick, showing off his rugged-he-man toughness, couldn't remember enough of his script to know exactly which three federal agencies he's going to whack as soon as he marches into the White House. Hey, shut 'em all the f**k down!

Okay, so he's a wholly unprincipled asshole who doesn't have the slightest idea what he's talking about. It can't possibly be the case that there was any living human being who was unaware that he's a moron and a thug. Really? After all, didn't those used to be his good qualities?

Isn't this what our great country is all about? The dream of every American child to become rich and powerful enough to be officially allowed to lie, cheat, and steal anything you can get your grubby mitts on? Governor Rick (and I do want to stress that the fellow is a sitting governor -- albeit in a state with a fairly weak governorship -- and in 2010 he became the first person elected to a third four-year term in the job) believes that the country should be run by and for the benefit of the 1%, and that the goal of the rest of us should be to position ourselves to receive their sloppy seconds.

Coupla guys livin' the real American Dream

So why should any red-blooded American who believes that the next president should be the slimiest moron and thug we can find be anything but cheered by this late-afternoon Washingtonpost.com update?

Rick Perry makes light of gaffe, vows not to quit

By Debbi Wilgoren

Rick Perry scrambled Thursday to recover from a major gaffe during the latest GOP presidential debate, appearing on the morning television news shows, soliciting donations from supporters and agreeing to poke fun at himself alongside David Letterman on “The Late Show.”

The Texas governor rearranged his schedule as he sought to rescue his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination, canceling a fundraiser in Tennessee so that he could stay in New York to appear on the TV networks and Thursday night’s Letterman show.

Interviewed on “Fox & Friends,” NBC’s “Today” show, ABC’s ”Good Morning America” and CNN’s “American Morning,” Perry insisted that his inability to recall the name of one of the three federal agencies he had vowed to eliminate shows nothing more than that he is human.

“People make mistakes,” the embattled GOP presidential hopeful told NBC. “One error is not going to make or break a campaign. We’re going to continue talking about the challenges facing this country.” . . .

And there you have it. People make mistakes! Yes, they do.

I dunno, maybe the Post's Amy Gardner and Philip Rucker were right in describing this as "the worst stumble of the presidential campaign." But it's surely not the dumbest thing any of the Republican presidential wannabes have said. In fact, they're at their dumbest when they remember their scripts. And so while of course Herman Cain's sexual-harassment embarrassment should disqualify him for the job, that's a drop in the bucket compared with the psychopathic imbecilities that made him a surprise hit among the GOP electorate. If you try to make sense of the nonsense he talks, you have to conclude that, like all his rivals, he's really one giant gaffe.

I guess the distinction in the world of "gotcha" horse-race politics, the political world we now inhabit, is: You're only allowed to embarrass yourself so far, and then your supporters and would-be supporters begin to feel a tinge of reflected embarrassment. What's interesting is that Cain's woes haven't reached this level. I would assume the embarrassing "secret" is that GOP voters not only don't hold sexual harassment against a person, they admire it. It gives them hope for a return to the good old days, when everyone understood that the only way to have your women was barefoot and pregnant.

Well, sure, Governor Rick is plumb dumb, and a thug, but that's hardly news, is it? Aren't those his good qualities? And is there a 2012 GOP presidential hopeful who's in any useful way smarter? Smartness as such isn't the problem, is it?

With regard to the Governor Rick candidacy, I notice that in the WaPo gaffe report noted above -- headlined, by the way, "Rick Perry stumbles badly in Republican presidential debate" -- reporters Gardner and Rucker write: "At a time when Perry’s team was hoping desperately for a breakout, or at least mistake-free, performance to revive his ailing campaign, the governor’s gaffe could well do lasting damage." Really, do you think?

Once again the pundit I turn to is Andy Borowitz.

BOROWITZ REPORT

Three Things from Rick Perry
About Last Night

Dear American:

Okay, lookit, there are three things I forgot to mention last night.

Firstly, you should never drink before a debate. Right after that danged thing was over I had to stick my head in the porcelain throne and that lawn gnome Ron Paul had to hold my hair. This morning my head hurts like it was hit with a hammer in one of those movies with Larry, Curly, and… Larry, Curly, and what’s the other one? Ah, shit.

Now here’s B: the American people have to decide what’s worse, forgetting which agencies you plan to get rid of or forgetting which ladies you tried to nail when you were running the National Restaurant Association. I can tell you this, if somebody asked me if I remembered who I’d sexually harassed I could sure as shit tell you their names. But please don’t ask me that.

And finally, number 3: what the hell was number 3 again? I’ve got it on the tip of my tongue. Nope, I’ve lost it. Oops.

Vote for me,

Rick Perry

Yeah, Willard Inc. is smarter than Governor Rick. (But then, so is your breakfast raisin bran.) Two things, though:

(1) Has Governor Rick's mental incapacity made him any less dangerous as a politician or governor?

(2) Does Willard Inc.'s superior, er, intellect make him any less dangerous as a politician or potential president?

Imagine a President Perry coping with the world financial crisis, or the climate-change crisis, or the crisis of economic inequality, or the domestic infrastructure crisis, or appointing a Supreme Court justice or two. Now imagine a President Willard Inc. Feel better?

(Some smartypants is bound to suggest imagining those same issues being dealt with by a reelected President Obama, and ask if that makes me feel better. Well, not all that much, but still, there are differences. Aren't there?)


POSTSCRIPT: "THE BEST LITTLE WHORE IN TEXAS"

Since the subject came up in the comments, I want to be sure to direct readers to Matt Taibbi's October 26 Rolling Stone report, "Rick Perry: The Best Little Whore in Texas."

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