Comedy Tonight: Is birther Rep. Bill Posey really one of those "foofy" French people?

This is only one of the scientific tests that Jesus' General had performed to establish Bill Posey's birth father. Onsite, in addition to this Amato-Belle-Spalding Cyanic Diffusion Analysis, there are a Boehner Combover Test and a Frist Remote Visual Biometric Study. All of the results appear fairly conclusive.

I had to restrain myself from stopping the presses for this item when I saw it this morning. It's not just the brilliant detective work that unmasks birther imbecile and psychotic shithead Rep. Bill Posey as the secret bastard son of the late president of France Francois Mitterand. It is, above all, the dazzling anthropological insight, available only to thinkers of Gen. JC Christian's special insight, that:

"They're kind of a foofy people, the French."

I urge you to read this and then see if you aren't impelled to write your congressman demanding passage of a law requiring Representative Posey to produce his birth certificate (and prove that it's not a forgery, which I can already tell it is). -- Ken

Is Rep. Bill Posey the Bastard Son of a Socialist Ex-President of France?

Rep. Bill Posey

U.S. House of Representatives



Dear Rep Posey,



I'm a big supporter of your work to use the birth certificate issue to remind everyone that Obama's father had sexual relations with a white woman. Indeed, I thought I'd try to lend you a hand with it earlier today. My thinking was that I could use you as an example to demonstrate how easy it is to prove a person's citizenship. Unfortunately, my research lead me to the conclusion that you also may not be a citizen.



I can find no records for you prior to your move to Florida in 1956. It's like you did not exist. A search for your rather curious surname--what kind of a name is Posey, anyway; it sounds like a flower not a man--revealed that it is an English name, originating in Oxfordshire.



That made me wonder. Why would there be people named after flowers in Oxfordshire? It'd make more sense that was a French name. They're kind of a foofy people, the French. Could it be, I wondered, that you are actually French and are trying to hide that fact by working in league with genealogists to falsify the location of the Posey ancestral home?



So I started poking around French web sites. Eventually, I came across a photo of Francois Mitterrand, the socialist ex-president of France, and your resemblance to him is striking!

After running a battery of tests (see attached graphics), I'm fairly certain he is your father. That leads me to believe that you, sir, are a citizen of France rather than the United States.



I demand to see your birth certificate.



Heterosexually yours,



Gen. JC Christian, patriot