On the theory that you can't make a new gummint without cracking wise, here we go!

by Ken


"OAF OF OFFICE" REVISITED

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WHAT'S THE REAL DEAL WITH BIG DICK'S BUM BACK?

Yes, yes, we all saw the now-former vice president (God, I love saying that!) being wheeled around in his Dr. Strangelove-model wheelchair at the inauguration, and we've all heard the famous story about how he hurt his back moving cartons at his new Virginia homestead.

A friend suggests that he insisted on moving one box himself -- the one with all the lists of who he met with to discuss energy policies, torture, Iraq, etc. But what do you suppose really happened?


INAUGURAL SNAFU? ALL THOSE DAMNED WINTER COATS!

I took note yesterday of the general chaos in getting people to where they needed to be and then getting them into their ticketed sections for Tuesday's inaugural. By then I had been tipped that the responsibility most likely lay with the Joint Congressional Committee for Inaugural Ceremonies, and that the JCCIC's point man for such matters would be Senate sergeant-at-arms Terrance Gainer, whose illustrious law-enforcement career goes back to riot-cop duty during the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago and includes stints as "executive assistant chief" of the D.C. Metro Police and chief of the Capitol Police. A colleague who wishes to go unnamed reports that Gainer "has been a major pain in the ass his entire career in D.C." and "has made screwing up large crowd events into an art form."

Yesterday's Washington Post reported: "Part of the problem, Gainer said, was that people wearing bulky winter clothing took up more space than officials had expected."

If only someone could have anticipated that people might be wearing bulky winter clothing! Then perhaps they could have set up coat-check tents at each of the entry points, and had everybody check those bulky coats -- just for the few hours the folks would be standing out in the Mall.


IF YOU WANTED TO WORK FOR PRESIDENT OBAMA --

Al Kamen reports in today's Washington Post "In the Loop" column:

So many Clintonites are finding top jobs in the administration that this joke is making the rounds 'mongst the Obama campaign foreign policy folks: "If you wanted Obama to become president, you had to work on his campaign. If you wanted to work for President Obama, you had to work on Hillary Clinton's campaign."


AS LAURA PARADES HER ALL-"I'M WITH STUPID" WARDROBE --

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