Saturday Night Musing: Minnesota

WHOOOO COULD IMAGINE?
 
By NOAH

Back in my long, dearly departed youth, there was a song by Frank Zappa's Mothers Of Invention, that contained an extended dada-ist section featuring the words "Who could imagine (pause) that they would freakout (another pause) in Minnesota. The word 'who' was extensively drawn out while the words 'imagine' and 'Minnesota' received a kind of menacingly derisive emphasis. Now, on a night 42 years later, I am compelled by events to imagine the citizens of a state, where the pro football team wears purple yet calls themselves Vikings, freaking out big time. Forget about what real Vikings would do to anyone caught wearing purple, let alone do to a little guy in a loincloth singing about purple rain... what are Minnesotans going to do with each other when the voting in the Franken-Coleman Senate race is finally decided.

As I write this tonight, the Franken camp is claiming it is up by a mere 4 votes! This recount started out as a statistical tie. Now, by the Franken camp's figuring, it's down to 4 votes. Coleman's camp has come up with a figure that puts them a few hundred votes ahead, but that's more of a PR move designed around a desire to manipulate the public perception of who was always ahead and therefore is probably the winner. That kind of thing always makes it harder for the other guy to claim victory. The difference in the figures of the two camps centers around challenged votes which may or may not be resolved. The recount was supposed to be over by now, but things may be grinding to a stalemate, a stalemate which may end up in the U.S. Senate. So, what should they do in the land of 10,000 lakes and 10 to the 10th trillion power mosquitoes? Flip a coin? Draw straws?
 
Other possible solutions:

1. Poker game?
2. Run off?
3. Wrestling match?
4. Hot dog eating contest?
 
Personally, I kinda like #3. Tickets could be sold to raise money to repair that bridge that collapsed due to lack of tax revenue or to raise money for the education of children affected by the collapse. Also, I like the absurdity of the spectacle. Well, what are we supposed to expect from a state that elected a wrestler, Jesse Ventura, as its Governor. But, the whole thing will come down to who has the cleverest legal team and who can pocket the most ballots. Now if only there were a way to figure the number of people who stayed home because they thought their vote wouldn't count and if they were right or not.