Did the hair scientists who cured Chimpy the Prez's Brillo hair save the Imperial Unitary Executive?

The one image of the old Bush Brillo hair that the Hair Revisionist Police haven't been able to obliterate is the one that was used on the $200 bill.

by Ken

Everyone's doing their year-end retrospectives. Heck, we offered our own over the weekend. But the one that will be remembered, the one that really held up a mirror to who and what we are, is that supreme patriot Gen. JC Christian's "2008: The Year in Hair" -- from Bush to Blagojevich by way of Princess Sarah Palin.

The one point on which we might offer a quibble, or a correction -- or no, an amplification, is in the matter of the one incontestable positive development of the Bush regime: the Deliverance of the Dear Leader from the Deadly Scourge of Brillo Hair.

The General rightly pays tribute to the near-miraculous cheveluriferous adaptability of Chimpy the Prez:

Let us begin with the hair of Our Glorious Leader, George W Bush. Gray one day and brown the next, the Chosen One's hair served as a threat level indicator to a fearful public. Times of relative calm were announced with shades of ancient dirty white, while a deep chocolate, symbolic of youth and vigor, signaled a crisis like dropping poll numbers or cash-flow problems in the lobbying sector. Ever-shifting polychromatic hair is not easily managed, but Our Leader boldly and bravely met the challenge by constantly adjusting his body chemistry via an internal application of alcohol.

Think back to the way that hair used to look, back in the days before five brave Supreme Court justices stood up for America by saying, "This boy has no shot at ever landing a real job. The Gore kid could probably get a job in any mail room in the country, but if we don't make the Bush boy president, let's face it, he's essentially unemployable." It was like Brillo pads had been Crazy Glued to his scalp. Like the guy had just stepped out of the dishwasher, after a particularly vicious "dry" cycle. Back then the only thing that could be done with that hair was to simply plaster it to his head with the Greasy Kid Stuff.

Well, you better remember, because the Hair Revisionist Police appear to have erased all photographic evidence from the Google with the exception of the shot used on the $200 bill (above).

Now it's true that if the masters of chevelurology (well, there must be some technical term for the science of hair) hadn't been able to come up with a cure for the Bushian Brillo hair . . . well, it's almost unthinkable. The son of a bitch probably would have been impeached by August of 2001 and would likely have been awaiting his Senate trial on 9/11. Off his triumph as the Mayor of 9/11, Rudy Giuliani would have been declared president by unanimous acclaim.

Fortunately, a crash hair-care research program kicked in just in time, thereby sparing us the need to look at the hard question: What the hell is the use of the Imperial Unitary Executive if it can't do anything about hair like that?

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