Leaked GOP Convention Memo-- Maude, Pack My Dancing Shoes

Our pals at Brave New Films got a leaked copy of Day one of the GOP Convention. I'm very disappointed that Sammy Hagar isn't playing. I'm boycotting-- unless the rumors are true that McCain himself has squeezed Daddy Yankee onto the bill. Not enough of the closet case agenda is represented either; three damn events-- and two are in restrooms!

7:00 pm – Ceremonial burning of the U.S. Constitution
7:15 pm – Spiritual Medium Sylvia Browne performs psychic séance in desperate attempt to raise Ronald Reagan from the grave
7:35 pm – "The Pleasures of Adultery" - with Newt Gingrich & Rudy Giuliani
8:05 pm – Gay sex party in Men's Restroom hosted by Senator Larry Craig
8:35 pm - Transvestite Ann Coulter – "My Life as a Man"
8:55 pm – Live satellite feed from Federal Prison – Ohio Rep. Bob Ney Mr. GOP, Jack Abramoff
9:05 pm – Guest speaker ex-Florida Congressman Mark Foley "Joys with Young Boys"
9:25 pm – Oliver North – "Iran is Evil, but I sold them weapons anyway"
9:40 pm – Bill O' Reilly – "The costs of sexual harassment and phone sex with employees"
10:00 pm – Gay sex party in Men's Room hosted by Ken Mehlman and Geraldo Rivera
10:25 pm – Check John McCain to see if he's still breathing and if his adult diaper needs changing.
10:35 pm – N.R.A. President hosts an assault riffle target practice on Gays and Mexicans.
10:45 pm - Call emergency squad after a drunken Dick Cheney accidentally shoots his friend in the face.
11:00 pm – President Bush performs his hilarious comedy routine where he looks for Iraq's fictitious WMD's under guests tables.
11:15 pm – Governor Mike Huckabee does his famous uncanny imitation of Gomer Pyle.
11:20 pm – Group intervention to get Rush Limbaugh back into drug rehab
11: 45 pm – Go up on rooftop and throw rocks down at homeless Vets sleeping in alley.
12:00 am – Live satellite feed from Federal Prison – California Congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham
12:20 am – Convicted felon/Fox News analyst G. Gordon Liddy – Lock picking secrets
12: 40 am – Guest speakers Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz – "How to lie your Country into a War"
1:00 am – Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay – "Tips on Money Laundering"
1:15 am – Hookers arrive for after party