Monday, August 25, 2008

Leaked GOP Convention Memo-- Maude, Pack My Dancing Shoes

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Our pals at Brave New Films got a leaked copy of Day one of the GOP Convention. I'm very disappointed that Sammy Hagar isn't playing. I'm boycotting-- unless the rumors are true that McCain himself has squeezed Daddy Yankee onto the bill. Not enough of the closet case agenda is represented either; three damn events-- and two are in restrooms!
7:00 pm – Ceremonial burning of the U.S. Constitution
7:15 pm – Spiritual Medium Sylvia Browne performs psychic séance in desperate attempt to raise Ronald Reagan from the grave
7:35 pm – "The Pleasures of Adultery" - with Newt Gingrich & Rudy Giuliani
8:05 pm – Gay sex party in Men's Restroom hosted by Senator Larry Craig
8:35 pm - Transvestite Ann Coulter – "My Life as a Man"
8:55 pm – Live satellite feed from Federal Prison – Ohio Rep. Bob Ney Mr. GOP, Jack Abramoff
9:05 pm – Guest speaker ex-Florida Congressman Mark Foley "Joys with Young Boys"
9:25 pm – Oliver North – "Iran is Evil, but I sold them weapons anyway"
9:40 pm – Bill O' Reilly – "The costs of sexual harassment and phone sex with employees"
10:00 pm – Gay sex party in Men's Room hosted by Ken Mehlman and Geraldo Rivera
10:25 pm – Check John McCain to see if he's still breathing and if his adult diaper needs changing.
10:35 pm – N.R.A. President hosts an assault riffle target practice on Gays and Mexicans.
10:45 pm - Call emergency squad after a drunken Dick Cheney accidentally shoots his friend in the face.
11:00 pm – President Bush performs his hilarious comedy routine where he looks for Iraq's fictitious WMD's under guests tables.
11:15 pm – Governor Mike Huckabee does his famous uncanny imitation of Gomer Pyle.
11:20 pm – Group intervention to get Rush Limbaugh back into drug rehab
11: 45 pm – Go up on rooftop and throw rocks down at homeless Vets sleeping in alley.
12:00 am – Live satellite feed from Federal Prison – California Congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham
12:20 am – Convicted felon/Fox News analyst G. Gordon Liddy – Lock picking secrets
12: 40 am – Guest speakers Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz – "How to lie your Country into a War"
1:00 am – Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay – "Tips on Money Laundering"
1:15 am – Hookers arrive for after party

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4 Comments:

At 6:32 PM, Blogger TSop said...

Hilarious! Thanks for the much needed laugh...

 
At 6:44 PM, Blogger John Bisceglia said...

Uhhh.....I thought this was serious. Darn! It's SO HARD to distinguish between PURE EVIL and REPUBLICANS these days!

 
At 7:17 AM, Anonymous Alex said...

Sounds like a great party! I can get my weapons of war from North, have my "right" to own them first fabricated, then defended by the NRA, and top it all off with some good time stories from O'Reilly and Rivera.

 
At 5:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

G O P = felons R US Party on

 

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