George Carlin is surely the wisest funnyman alive. It's about time tribute was paid to the man who explained: "We're all fucked. It helps to know"

"Thank you, Mr. Twain. Have your people call my people."

-- statement issued by George Carlin after learning that the Kennedy Center is awarding him this year's Mark Twain Prize for lifetime achievement in comedy

I'd like to think that there's nothing more to say, except that the award will be presented at a tribute to George's career November 10 at the Kennedy Center, to be taped for broadcast on PBS in February.

Still, we ought to say something about the guy. So I went to his website. There's a crawl at the bottom of the screen with a bunch of classic Carlinisms, including these:

* "If you love someone, set them free. If they come home, set them on fire."

* "The bigger they are, the worse they smell."

* "The only good thing to come out of religion was the music."

* "Ross Perot. Just what a nation of idiots needs: a short, loud idiot."

* "Most people are not particularly good at anything."

* "There ought to be at least one round state."

* "I like sports because I enjoy knowing that many of these macho athletes have to vomit before a big game. Any guy who takes a job where you gotta puke first is my kind of guy."

* "Human beings are kind of interesting from birth until they reach the age of a year and a half. Then they are boring until they reach fifty. By that time they're either completely defeated and fucked up, which makes them interesting again, or they've learned how to beat the game, and that makes them interesting too."

George, who turned 71 last month, now has three books out, and a bunch of CDs (a number of which he put out himself, along with work by other stand-up comics, back when nobody seemed interested in releasing such stuff), and HBO is still running his 13th comedy special for them, It's Bad for Ya, which debuted in March.

Best of all, last fall MPI Home Video put out a blockbuster 14-DVD set called George Carlin: All My Stuff, which along with other goodies includes all 12 of the earlier HBO specials, spanning the period 1977-2005. On the website there's a press release about the set which includes some interesting perspective:

Carlin is noted for his irreverent observations on such taboo subjects as religion, patriotism and big business, as well as pungent examinations of modern language and the “decrepit state of the American culture”. In fact, Carlin and his "Seven Dirty Words" comedy routine were the subject of the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a narrow 5-4 decision by the justices affirmed the government's right to regulate spoken-word performances on the public airwaves.

Carlin is proudest of the fact that every two years he goes out on tour with all new material –material which will evolve into his next HBO concert show. "I can't do old material; I would feel like a failure. Essentially, this job is that of a writer, and in my case, the writer gets to perform his own material on stage. But a writer who doesn’t produce new work all the time is not a writer -- he’s a typist.”

Carlin continued, “Doing new stuff is a point of pride with me. People may not consider it so, but stand-up comedy is one of the performing arts, and artists are supposed to grow and evolve over time. Through the years, my technique has sharpened, my writing has improved and even my observations have grown richer. For a person like me, age is an asset.”

He gives the example of Pablo Casals, the virtuoso cellist of the last century, who continued to perform even into old age. “When they asked Casals, then in his 90’s, why he continued to practice three hours a day, he replied, ‘I’m beginning to notice some improvement.’” That’s good enough for me.

GEORGE CARLIN, MARKETING MAN

One of the things that has made George's career such an effortless, uncontroversial jaunt is his easy accommodation to conventional commercial interests. So it's not surprising to find out on the "Store" section of his website that he's a natural-born salesman:

ORDER SOON OR PUT YOURSELF AT SEVERE RISK
Frankly, we're getting a little tired of playing games with you people. Someone better start ordering this crap soon, or certain individuals will start to disappear. And no one will know what's going on. We haven't actually had to hurt anyone yet, but you never know when we're gonna start. You might want to keep in mind that many of us are extremely unstable and have been off medication for a long time. Losing patience with people like you would be real easy. Don't be the first on your block to be maimed for not cooperating. Order now and protect yourself from some really unpleasant consequences. Also your loved ones. Get it?

MERCHANDISE BEYOND BELIEF
We got crap here you wouldn't believe. I, myself, am still surprised at how degrading some of this stuff is. I told my aunt what we've got, and she thought I was a goddamn nut. Get some of these things for yourself and sacrifice any lingering pretense to self-respect you may be clinging to. Scare off pesky respectable folks who insist on decent behavior. Repel tedious family members who think being normal is somehow good. Plunge to new lows; lose everything you ever had. Buy some of this stuff and prepare to spend a lot of time alone.

SO WHY HASN'T GEORGE WON THIS MARK TWAIN PRIZE BEFORE?

I kept wondering who's been winning this Mark Twain Prize all these years that George hasn't, so I looked it up on the Kennedy Center website, expecting to find a bunch of stiffs, but instead found some pretty fast company (heck, Neil Simon had to wait till 2006!):

1999: Carl Reiner
2000: the one and only Jonathan Winters [right]
2001: Whoopi Goldberg
2002: Bob Newhart
2003: Lily Tomlin
2004: Lorne Michaels
2005: Steve Martin
2006: Neil Simon
2007: Billy Crystal


UH, LORNE MICHAELS???

You might ask, wtf is Lorne Michaels doing on this list? Hey, that was my question too!

I finally worked it out that he must be here for two achievements:

(1) putting together the brilliant original cast of Saturday Night Live who with him invented the format, and

(2) since then, hiring many people who after they left the show turned out to be really, really talented -- you know, people like Eddie Murphy, the late Phil Hartman, Mike Myers, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, David Spade (at least on Just Shoot Me), and now Tina Fey.

#