BRAVE NEW BIZARRO WORLD-- A BUSH SCHOOL OF PUBLIC SERVICE!

By NOAH


During the course of any given day, just about any absurdity is liable to flash across my computer screen, either via friends who appreciate my perverse sense of humor or through my own searches on the googles, as so-called President Chimpy would pathetically try to say. Yesterday was no different. I received a very special notification from a company that calls itself the Princeton Review. The company apparently has nothing to do with the vaunted ivy league mind prison named Princeton University, but, since it is in the business of preparing high schoolers for things like the dreaded SAT tests, and, informing kids about schools they may want to check out, I guess naming themselves after a highly regarded-- albeit, not by me-- university seemed like a great marketing ploy. Yes, sign up now and maybe even your child can go to a school like Princeton.

Way too many decades ago, I myself was told that I could go to any school I wanted, if only I would get serious and apply my self. This was after some "achievement" test score came in and, well, it seemed to indicate that I was smarter than my usual grades. Until that point, hell, they didn’t even talk to me. Well, I was a serious kid, but I was also a slacker way before the word entered today’s parlance. That my superduper, top of the heap of learning high school prided itself on sending huge numbers of innocent children to ivy league schools only meant that I was a source of constant consternation for my teachers and alleged guidance counselors. One of my favorite teachers even once told my mother that I made "valiant efforts to keep awake" in his class, and his was a subject that I liked, English.

So, today, the notification from (trumpets please) the PRINCETON Review brought a lot of things back to me, but, there was much, much more. I quote from the missive:

"In a little more than a decade, the BUSH SCHOOL OF GOVERNMENT AND PUBLIC SERVICE at Texas A&M University has made remarkable strides toward becoming one of the leading public and international affairs graduate schools in the nation. In its short history, the Bush School has had a significant impact in the public service arena through research and the development of public servants and PRINCIPLED leaders."

I have to stop there. Have we slipped into some alternate universe? It’s more than my keyboard or you, the reader, can probably bear. I have always claimed that we live in the BIzarro World of Superman comics fame. BUSH SCHOOL OF GOVERNMENT??? And PUBLIC SERVICE??? Significant IMPACT? PRINCIPLED? At last, the current scary state of our beloved country is explained! There is a BUSH MADRASSA that has been sending out their evil automatons to impact, i.e. wreck the world! It’s all becoming clear. It shoulda been so obvious! All the while, they have distracted us by having their media slaves attempt to convince us that the world’s problems are all caused by Islamic fundamentalists when they also secretly compete with the terrorists, to do their best, too, to screw things up for the billions of us that have to live with the results of their treachery. But, of course, we already knew that.

Folks, it’s official. We now live in a world that has completely given itself over to parody. Parody of existence itself has become the norm, the reality. Look at it. We have a world where a senile, corrupt "Supreme" Court can tell us that Dubya is President and the media say "yes, you bet, and what a great job he will do". We live in a land where 50 million people will vote not once but TWICE for a thug who has failed at every single thing he has ever done, whether it was not being able to find oil in Texas, trading away the one slugger (Sammy Sosa) that might have brought his baseball team a pennant, or take a record surplus and an economic boom and, like King Midas In Reverse, turn it into a bust of the biggest deficit the world has ever seen.

We were once the biggest creditor nation. We now pour money that could have gone for real Homeland Security, education, and health care into the coffers of the likes of Blackwater and Halliburton in the name of a failed war that we were lied into. Now, that’s what I call government! Now we are the biggest debtor nation, borrowing way, way too much money from China, turning almighty dollars into dimes while the world switches to euros, leaving us in the dust. All hail the BUSH SCHOOL OF GOVERNMENT & PUBLIC SERVICE! SERVICE! Well done! Jeb fixes those pesky elections. Neil raids banks, ridding them of troublesome taxpayer dollars! Daddy did such a great job in Chile! Grandaddy provided cash for Hitler! What a family! What a school! Yea BUSH SCHOOL OF GOVERNMENT AND PUBLIC SERVICE! Millions thank you, as they are left to hold weekly garage sales just to "put food on their families!" What’s next? The Jeffrey Dahmer School of Nursing? The Martin Borman School of Jewish Studies? The Michael Vick School of Veterinary Medicine? Let’s get real. Get off the parody drug. How about THE DICK CHENEY SCHOOL OF WAR PROFITEERING?