FREDERICK OF HOLLYWOOD NEEDS TO HAND OUT NO-DOZ ON THE STUMP

Dullest campaign of the year: Frederick of Hollywood Goes to Iowa. Tomorrow's NY Times caught him begging a crowd of reluctant old Republicans for a round of applause... literally. Thompson's campaign has been a colossal bust since before he even started. The "Great White Hope" for conservatives proven to be just an even tinier and more pathetic addendum to what Newt Gingrich referred to as a "pathetic bunch of pygmies."

You'd think a former U.S. Senator and an actor, if just a mediocre TV actor, would have some pizzazz. But then you'd be wrong. Thompson is a complete stiff who not only has no lines but even less substance. Rarely does a day go by when he doesn't prove he's out of touch and unaware of even the most basic current events driving the passions of the day. The National Journal entitled a recent piece on him Another Day, Another Gaffe For Fred Thompson, highlighting his cavalcade of what they generously term "verbal missteps."

MSNBC reports that at a campaign event in Iowa Tuesday night, the candidate was asked about last year's Senate hearings on the nomination of Chief Justice John Roberts, whom Thompson "shepherded" through the confirmation process. The former Tennessee senator had this to say in response:

"Even though the other party controlled the Judiciary Committee, we got some votes there. For a good, sound, what I would call conservative justice."

News flash: Democrats didn't regain control of the Senate until 2006. Roberts' confirmation took place in 2005, when the GOP was still firmly in charge of both chambers.

Good shepherd. But that wasn't the only evidence of his complete disconnect from political reality. He's probably one of the only people in the world who still hasn't heard the news that Bush and his propaganda machine made up the WMD in Iraq. He thinks we found them. The people who have seen him on the stump-- press and civilians alike-- seem to have come to a verdict: whatever else he is, he's not Ronald Reagan, just another pale, shallow imitation. Even voters interested enough to come to his boring, sleepy "rallies," were "struck by how little energy or passion he appeared to bring into a room."

As he defined his candidacy, Mr. Thompson spoke in broad generalities about the conservative principles that he said had informed his political views-- in particular, federalism and cutting government spending-- and led him to run for president.

In the process, he often lulled audiences into the kind of stillness that engulfed the room when he finished talking at the “Lunch With Fred Thompson” in Marshalltown.

Here he is doing an interview at the Des Moines Register and badly in need of a trip to the little boys' room, boring the editors with his analysis of the Republican problem with what they call gay marriage. Unfortunately for someone trying to court the bigots and haters, he concludes that it doesn't matter all that much one way or the other. "So be it", as a radical right religionist broadcasting network just pointed out, is not what the rabid homophobes and loons he needs to rally to his banner want to hear.