Ask President Nixon: How do you feel about Al Gore sharing the Nobel Peace Prize?

"Former vice president Al Gore and a United Nations panel that monitors climate change were jointly awarded the Nobel Peace Prize today for their work educating the world about global warming and pressing for political action to control it."
--Howard Schneider and Debbi Wilgoren, on washingtonpost.com this morning

We didn't even have to contact former President Richard Milhous Nixon to Ask President Nixon for comment about Al Gore winning the Nobel Prize. The old dickster couldn't wait to unburden himself:

Jesus God in heaven! It was bad enough when that little prick Jimmy Carter glommed onto a Nobel. That whining, holier-than-thou showboat. I mean, anybody can give the world peace by just not making war. What's the trick to that?

I did it the hard way, though, by making damn sure every crackpot Commie knew I'd bomb the bejeezus out of anybody looked at old Uncle Sam the wrong way. But did anyone give me a Nobel Prize? No-o-o-o!

Little Al Gore?! His old daddy was bad enough--a whining liberal loser. But Little Al? The guy who managed to get elected president and then watch the other slob take his place in the White House? And the other slob was an ignorant pile of protoplasm like the little Bush boy. Only thing that saved him was his daddy sent my old people--my old people and my kind of people, people who know how to get things done--into Florida to save his sorry ass.

I always thought the little Bush boy's daddy was a Grade A creep--it was like you could run your hand right through where he was standing and there wasn't a damn thing there. But the little Bush boy, jeez! They might as well have put an eggplant in the Oval Office.

Little Al Gore! You remember when he had to have some woman dress him in beige so people would think he's more of a man? Christ, if they gave a Nobel Prize for whining, that they should give to Al Gore.

The only good thing about it is that it's got to fry the little Bush boy's patoot, and his incorporeal daddy's, seeing the guy who beat him get the Peace Prize. He's probably saying, "Well, if they give him the Peace Prize, I should at least get the War Prize!"

Christ, is that W dumb or what? He probably thinks a Nobel Prize is what Prince Charles gives his horse-faced wife every two or three months. Of course, that W's such a pansy, he probably hasn't done that since, well, has anybody DNA-tested those idiot Bush twins to see if they're actually related to him? The idea of even Laura the Librarian getting in the same bed with that lump is enough to make a dead president croak.