So how're we doin' in Iraq? Well, you could listen to Bill Kristol, or to Arianna Huffington, or tothose worrywarts at the embassy in Baghdad

Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk: Has our Bill missed his true calling?

If it weren't so terrifyingly apparent that Bill Kristol (above) has actual influence on affairs of state, his pathetic imbecility combined with his grotesque self-importance would make him one of the funniest stooges since Curly Howard (below). [Or wait, could we have the photos mixed up? We always have such a terrible time telling them apart.--Ed.]

It appears that our Bill thinks we're doing hummingly in Iraq, and has been given humiliating prominence in today's Washington Post (The Newspaper for People Who Matter) to say so. Luckily, Arianna Huffington is on the case ("Bill Kristol: On the Train to Delusionville"), and has a personal scoop of sorts. Hint: On the train, she heard our Bill in full screeching yammer on his cell phone.

And if you want to know how we're really doin' in Iraq, then in today's Washington Post turn not to Bill Kristol but to our trusty pal Al Kamen. (What I had in mind was the lead item, the one about the "limited number of cots" available at the Baghdad embassy for the security-sensitive. But once you've read that, you really have to read the following item as well.)

Personnel May Wish to Sleep in Another Country

More signs of progress in Iraq. In response to the recent increase in mortar and rocket attacks in Baghdad's Green Zone, U.S. Embassy officials announced yesterday that "a limited number of cots are available for use by authorized . . . personnel who wish to sleep in their offices for security reasons."

Why? Offices tend to be in concrete buildings, affording better protection against mortars and other projectiles than the metal-roofed trailers commonly used for housing.

Remember, though, the notice continued, "cots will be issued on a first-come, first-serve basis, according to the time stamp on e-mail requests received," and you needed to pick them up between 2 and 5 p.m. yesterday.

But, if you missed the deadline, not to worry. A "Duck and Cover Alert" from the embassy security office yesterday offered important tips on what to do if you're in an "unfortified structure (e.g. trailer, self-serve laundry facility, etc.) or outdoors."

"If there is a nearby Duck and Cover bunker" -- echoes of an earlier era? -- "quickly seek cover within and remain there until the All Clear signal is given." But "if no fortified structure is near-by, get as low as possible and protect your vital areas." (Of course, these may vary from person to person.) "Remain in place until the initial salvo has ended," the notice says, then hightail it to "the nearest Duck and Cover bunker."

If you are, say, in the embassy itself or in the "Palace pool restroom, etc." you should "quickly muster in an interior room or hallway, stay clear of windows and doors [and] seek cover underneath" your desk or a table.


Lawyer Wanted; Must Not Scare Easily

Are you an attorney looking for adventure? Do you have your own cot? Then remember, today's the deadline to apply for what a State Department notice rightly calls "an exciting opportunity . . . for an energetic, self-motivated U.S. citizen to serve as a Senior Rule of Law Advisor in Embassy Baghdad."

Yes indeed, this "full-time, permanent" job will ensure you "play a central role . . . in developing policy and programs to assist in developing the Iraqi justice system." You'll also run "programs to train and build the capacity of judges, provide security for courts, judges and witnesses" and "promote the development of an independent judiciary and functioning legal and criminal justice system in Iraq."

The idea apparently is to wean the militias off their deplorable penchant for summary beheadings. And your personal safety is assured. (See item above.)