Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Of course you're not supposed to kick a guy when he's down, but surely Ted Stevens--megalomaniac and bully as well as supercrook--has it coming


Aren't you tired of seeing Sen. Ted Stevens' crooked old puss? Just
for a change, wouldn't you rather see, say, his crooked son Ben?

With the entirety of Alaska's First and Second Families, the Stevenses and the Murkowskis, apparently prison-bound, and at least one Young with them, somebody might want to fine-tooth-comb all of this year's congressional appropriations bills--you know, the ones Chimpy the Prez is threatening to veto now that he's discovered fiscal responsibility--to see if there isn't a billion-buck earmark buried somewhere for rush construction of a luxury compound called something like the Ted Stevens and Frank Murkowski Memorial Slammer and Golf Club (Featuring the Don Young Crooked Wing), a facility open only to inmates with Deep Pull.

My wish: When Senator Ted has his "Duke Cunningham moment" for the cameras, announcing his plea bargain (shedding Duke Cunningham tears, one can only hope), the networks will juxtapose it with footage of him in one of his imperial "I Am the Chairman" Senate committiee moments, like the famous hearing where his energy-industry-honcho cronies were allowed to testify not under oath, despite the urgent pleas of some other committee members, and Senator Ted thoughtfully explained, before having them led off to their executions, that there was a simple, logical reason why. You guessed it: "I'M THE CHAIRMAN."

As memory serves, this was not long before the Chairman, in his role as the Senate's ranking expert on technology, deigned to explain to us how those Internet tubes work.

You just have yourself one fine day, Mr. Chairman! And don't forget to offer those feds rummaging around your house some milk and cookies.

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