JIM INHOFE (R-OK) MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN TO TAKE HIS MAALOX BEFORE GOING TO BED THE OTHER NIGHT

photo by Conium

There are many versions of how this god or that god created the earth and mankind and all the little birds and bees and fishies. One version currently in vogue is that shortly after caveman time, the Jewish tribe's god created everything in 6 days and then took a rest on the seventh day-- which was Saturday but has more recently come to be Sunday. But... how exactly do you define a day? Some religionists are now interpreting it to mean-- and I think I heard one religionist kook, a certain primitivist senator from Kansas currently making a fool of himself by running for president, get into this on TV-- that a "day" might actually mean something different in god-time than in man time. I mean, do what David Byrne did and look at god backwards and-- voila!-- a day might be measured in some kind of dog-years formula. So God created the earth in 6 days but it was actually four million, three-hundred and fifty-seven thousand, six-hundred and twenty-two years, ten months, three weeks, seven hours and nine minutes. The guys from the Bronze Age tribes that made this stuff up had crude measuring devises and limited imaginations.


Anyway, speaking of primitive people who make things up and have limited imaginations, what do you know about Oklahoma Senator Jim Inhofe other than him being a crazy religionist fanatic who goes bonkers when anyone mentions Global Warming? The Oklahoma loon, on a lifelong jihad against evolution-- and he is certainly living proof that we don't all evolve at the same rate-- has taken to sneaking up behind his colleagues and trying to eavesdrop. But then he can't seem to figure out if the discussions he imagines hearing took place 3 days ago or 3 years ago or it was just his (limited) imagination. Use your imagination and picture Jim Inhofe running for election in your state. (Or, imagine something far, far better.)

Anyway, I woke up this morning and I used my own imagination to figure out how Jim Inhofe might explain his claims about Barbara Boxer and Hillary Clinton if Saint Whomever asked him to sing a little song at the pearly gates on a big ole cloud in the sky to explain the bearing false witness charge someone might make against him: