TWO CAMPAIGN SLOGANS FOR JOHN McCAIN

By Noah

[DWT hasn't been exactly keen on the (mis)perception of Sen. John McCain as a "moderate." Our friend Noah has been thinking about the senator, possibly too much for his own good--in particular about the senator's long-brewing second shot at the presidency. Now he's gone so far as to offer some unsolicited campaign advice in the form of a pair of campaign slogans.]

Will the real John McCain ever stand up? Worse yet, is what we see the real John McCain? A far rightist, carefully packaged and disguised behind two elaborate face masks and a spiffy collection of nicely tailored suits, a chameleon for all seasons?

The 2008 campaign is almost upon us. Some would say it's already here. It's not too soon to get wise to a sickening charade. To help reveal the man behind the PR curtain, I offer not one but two campaign slogans for the senator from Arizona.

My idea of a great campaign slogan is one that is both catchy and contains more than a grain of truth! Slogan No. 1:

"John McCain--Straight Talk,
Out of BOTH Sides of His Mouth!"

Why does this slogan work so well? The best way to explain this is to offer an illustration direct from the man himself, an actual case in point. There is no bias, just the words--the words coming out of each side of the man's mouth, in this case, fantastically, almost simultaneously!

Now, as Jack Webb would say, "just the facts." Here's Senator McCain with one of his biggest supporters, fans, and, dare I say, groupies, MSNBC's Chris "Nerf Ball" Matthews at a well-known recent appearance at Iowa State University. Matthews has just asked the gay-marriage question.

McCain's actual words, displayed for all to see on MSNBC's website, follow:

"On the issue of gay marriage, I do believe, and I think it's a correct policy, that the sanctity of heterosexual marriage, a marriage between a man and a woman, should have a unique status. But I'm not for depriving any other group of Americans from having rights. But I do believe that there is something that is unique between marriage between a man and a woman, and I believe it should be protected."

OK. Here he has made reference to "heterosexual marriage." Most of his right-wing-kook buddies would say that this is unnecessarily redundant, since "marriage" is by definition heterosexual. Is this an example of McCain being moderate by implying that other kinds of marriage exist?

More ominously, though, he has said that he is not for depriving any "group" of Americans from having rights. That's pretty cagey. He didn't say marriage rights.

Here's more:

"I think that gay marriage should be allowed, if there's a ceremony kind of thing, if you want to call it that. I don't have any problem with that, but I do believe in preserving the sanctity of a union between a man and a woman."

First of all, I'm glad to see a pro-union statement from a Republican. When my wife and I got married, we had a little "ceremony kind of thing" too. And, unlike many Republicans, we don't feel our marriage can be threatened by millions of gay people wantonly getting married. We endorse it. It opens up a whole world of rights and benefits. Hmm, there ya go, Senator, giving dreaded rights to citizens. How un-Republican! No. We must have repression and class warfare on as many fronts as possible.

But there goes McCain being a "maverick," right? Hardly. Time to clarify, eh, John?

"On the issue of the gay marriage, I believe that people want to have private ceremonies. That's fine. I do not believe that gay marriage should be legal."

So, I guess McCain is saying that gay people can get married (one to a customer, I suppose), but that gay marriage should be illegal. Ladies, gentlemen, and those somewhere in between, the Senator is a master, the absolute champ! The king of doublespeak! You truly can have it both ways, I think. I swear, if the gauze was removed from the TV screen, you'd see McCain twirling an extremely shiny gold watch on a chain while he continues to hypnotize his audience and Matthews positively drools and trembles in awestruck ecstasy.

All right, we all know McCain has his fans, however deluded or hypnotized. They look upon his countenance and see an honest, straight-talking politician, when in reality he is the ultimate extreme politician, a man adrift in the breeze of the moment, an "I'll say anything ya wanna hear" kind of guy; the pinnacle of obsequiousness, cruising and cloying for votes and ready to shred any principle to get them.

Let's go on to Slogan No. 2:

"John McCain--
When One Face Just Isn't Enough"

Here's another big known blip in the career of John McCain. In the 2000 presidential campaign, he was done in badly by a combination of the forces of the Rove-Bush-Goebbels machine and their hatchet men in the (so-called) Christian Right. Stories flew that McCain had fathered a black child out of wedlock. A white man having a black child still plays big with bigots, er, Republicans.

McCain rightly railed against the devilish likes of Jerry Falwell and Pat "Hey, What's Wrong with Being Crazy?" Robertson as being agents of intolerance. That kind of straight talk plays well with the reasonable among us. It speaks the truth. After all, Falwell is the same man who said:

"I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who try to secularize America. . . . I point the thing in their face and say, you helped this happen."

What the hell was he talking about? He was blaming the 9/11 attacks on specific people in AMERICA whom he--in his hate-filled, charred black heart and twisted, childish mind--regards as enemies of the state, not the crazies who took over the planes, not the people who funded them out of Saudi Arabia (not Iraq), and most definitely not the people who got the memo and the briefings and let it happen anyway.

One would think that Senator McCain would not want to be caught dead or alive within camera range of such a person. But no, there he was, earlier this year, walking out onstage with good ole JF and speaking on campus for the graduating class at the demon deacon's own Liberty University. Too bad David Duke doesn't have a college. McCain would be hoppin' in his hemi and drivin' right over, stoppin' only to pick up a sheet and a hood.

So which is it? Which face do we believe, Senator? Agents of intolerance, or the big speech at Hatemonger U? We may never know from him, and we may never know from a media who champions McCain as a "maverick" Republican, a moderate, and a plain-speaking straight talker, just like the picture they painted of Bush and sold to millions of naive Americans.

One thing we do have to go by is McCain's voting record and his ratings from a few reactionary conservative organizations. Does a moderate hang with Falwell? Does a moderate support South Dakota's abortion ban? Does a moderate vote for a champion of segregation like Trent Lott when he runs for a party leadership position in the Senate? Does a moderate support overturning Roe v. Wade? Does a moderate oppose assault-weapons bans? Does a moderate get an approval rating of 91 percent from the "Christian" Coalition? Does a moderate get a rating of 100 percent from Phyllis Schlafly's Eagle Forum? Does a moderate get an approval rating of 90 percent from the legendary John Birch Society?

Folks, this is no moderate the media is trying to foist upon us. We already have an extreme right-winger in the people's White House. Are we going to be naive and dumb enough to follow the corporately controlled media's lead and a put new boss just like the current boss in the big chair?

McCain has the carefully contrived image of everybody's kindly old Grandpa. Hey, lots of these clowns are charming, but so was Ted Bundy. Jeez, just the fact that McCain would let Bush Swiftboat him in South Carolina like he did and then proceed to spend six years kissing W's butt should disqualify him for public office. Not even John Kerry, with his clap-on, clap-off artificial smile descended to that level.