Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Quote of the day: Bushbrains may be easy targets, but someone has to take them on—Jon Stewart tackles the latest babbling Bushboob

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You like to think that nothing that the people in the current administration (otherwise known as "our government") say or do can surprise you anymore, but every day yet another of those heckuva-jobbers crawls out of the woodwork to boggle your brain.

You must have heard about the comment offered by Deputy Asst. Secretary of State Colleen Graffy in response to the three inmate suicides at Guantanamo. "Certainly, taking their own lives was not necessary," she said, "but it's certainly a good P.R. move to draw attention."

Pause. Let's all try to catch our breath.

Okay now, care to field this one, Jon Stewart?

JON STEWART: [Really jazzed] It's she-zazz, baby! They're like the Barnum and Bailey of suicide guys!

[More sober now] I don't think that's a P.R. move. You know what? An Al Qaeda bomber dressed as a wolverine parachuting in the world's largest shwarma* [on-screen graphic depicts this scene], that's a P.R. stunt. This seems more depressing.


[*Wikipedia defines shawarma (or shwarma) as "a Middle Eastern-style sandwich usually composed of beef, chicken, turkey or lamb."]

In fairness, even though the Bush administration doesn't believe in science—or fairness, for that matter—perhaps Deputy Assistant Secretary Graffy's hypothesis deserves testing. How about this? Who's in more desperate need of "good P.R." than the Bush administration? No one, right? So we find a few patriotic political appointees to off themselves, preferably on live TV, and see how well it works.

Was that your hand up, Madam Deputy Assistant Secretary?


HONORABLE MENTION

Since we've already descended into utter boobery, can Bill O'Reilly be far behind? You like to think that nothing that the old loon says or does can surprise you anymore, but . . .

As everyone knows, our Bill has demonstrated time and again that he will go to any length, to the end of the earth if necessary, to become even more plug-ignorant than he already is. Friday it was a jolly fact-obliterating jaunt down to sunny Guantanamo. The Daily Show had this story too:

JON STEWART: Now it's unclear whether the prisoners committed suicide as a political statement or simply because they'd lost the will to live. There is, however, a third explanation.

Video clip of OUR BILL: Just hours after I left the prison at Gitmo last Friday, three detainees committed suicide.


Now settle down, people. You think this comedy business is so easy, let's see you come up with a punchline worthy of a slow-pitch lob of a straight line like this.

Here's what Jon came up with: "I can't believe they lasted that long after an O'Reilly visit." Okay, let's be generous and call this maybe a clean single up the middle. But surely a pitch like this deserves to be smacked out of the park.

I'll bet someone out there can give it a proper whack. Any takers?

3 Comments:

At 5:50 AM, Blogger druidbros said...

How about...'Bill must be really persuasive outside the US'

or

'He must have told them to wait until he had an air tight alibi'.

 
At 7:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

he said next time he'd be back with loofas and falafels.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1013043mackris16.html

 
At 7:37 PM, Blogger KenInNY said...

I like all of these! Of course it's still hard to make jokes about a man who ought to be nothing more than a joke himself, and yet carries this astonishingly outsize influence.

Thanks for joining in, folks.

K

 

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