Worried about "TV avian flu"? You'll be glad to know that HHS is on the case—but keep your duct tape and plastic sheets handy

This comes from Al Kamen's "In the Loop" column in today's Washington Post:

Feeling Avian? Wash Hands, Stay in Bed

The Department of Health and Human Services public affairs office is fully prepared for the bird flu pandemic. No, not a real one; the really scary one on ABC-TV last night, "Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America."

The HHS staff, after previewing the movie, issued an internal memo with talking points such as:

· "[The show] is a movie, not a documentary. It is a work of fiction designed to entertain and not a factual accounting of a real world event."

· "There is no influenza pandemic in the world at this time."

· "The . . . virus has not yet appeared in the U.S. [and should it] appear in the U.S. it does not mean the start of a pandemic."

The bottom line: Don't panic. "You can keep a supply of food and medicines on hand in case you have to stay home," the talking points recommend, and don't forget things "like frequent hand washing and staying home when sick."

The HHS memo says "the film does depict scenarios that could unfold should a severe pandemic ever develop, including . . . disruption of supplies, medicines and other essential services" and "the expected months-long delay in developing an effective vaccine" once the flu strain "emerges."

But don't panic.

Other nuggets in today's "In the Loop" include:

• the story—in case you haven't heard it—of the guy whom HUD Sec'y Alphonso Jackson claims to have turned down for a grant because he said he doesn't like President Bush. (Since this would be totally illegal and NJ Sen. Frank Lautenberg is already calling for Jackson's resignation, official sources are apparently claiming that the secretary was actually, well, lying, and it never happened.)

• the reply by Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice to a question from a member of the Associated Press editorial board, "If Vice President Cheney were to step down and President Bush asked you to become vice president, would you do it?" The reply, according to the State Dept. transcript, was: "inaudible." (For audibilization, sort of, check out the column.)