CHENEY JUST CAN'T GIVE UP HIS WHALEBONE CORSET

Dick Still Wants to Wear His Girdle
-Mags

Dick Cheney is out gallivanting the globe, talking to dictators about what swell democracies they have and promoting a new war against Iran. Far as I know, they still let him Vice President to his heart’s content. He is still out there on the front lines of politics even if that means shooting people in the face for America. He is a dynamo. It must be those naps during the speeches of foreign dignitaries that keep his energy up.

No one is more sympathetic to those in their senior years than I am. Heart disease and the accompanying decline is no easy thing to watch. I took care of my mother for several years and watched as vascular dementia changed and eventually took away who she was and also changed her thought processes.

However tragic, a caregiver looks back on the experience to find humorous moments because… well, that is what we humans do. My mom was a school teacher and she was used to being dressed “properly” every day. She loved clothes.

She was from the old school, the one where foundations are important to a woman, and by that I do not mean the kind you find under buildings. Girdles serve little useful function in the lives of women, to my way of thinking, no matter how in thin is, even less so for a white haired granny. Let’s face it, the rewards for tugging a girdle onto an 80 something year old lady who cannot keep her balance several times a day are hardly worth the struggle no matter how much personal satisfaction she might gain from knowing she is smooth and trim. Pantyhose? Hooo boy!

One day, I had had enough. I switched mother over to anklets and knee highs, long skirts and slacks. I informed her of her new freedom. She was about to embark on her girdleless phase of life. Needless to say, Mother was not pleased.

To this day I can see her waiting for me in an ambush one day, her arms crossed, and her crossed leg swinging up and down determinedly, the showdown. She was, by golly, going to wear that girdle and it was my job to hire someone to put it on her. Of course, this was not logical or even possible at that point.

It was the first line I had to draw with my mom as her caregiver. I had never had to tell her “no” before. Sadly, that day comes for many of us…we must one day tell the aging…”no.”

I feel for Dick, I really do. And, I know as VP he feels he must travel and speak for his party. But, the further we peer into the Valerie Plame incident. And, the more we know about the WMD lies and Iraq, and the more this man promotes war and aggression, we must come to the conclusion that maybe someone needs to draw the line.

No matter how hard it is, someone needs to tell Dick he is done wearing that girdle.