IN A DICK CHENEY VS PARIS HILTON MATCH-UP, CHENEY COULD WIN-- ALTHOUGH MICHAEL JACKSON OR O.J. SIMPSON WOULD KICK HIS ASS

Although Cheney would have to fill either O.J. Simpson or Michael Jackson with buckshot to win an election against either, he could still probably beat Paris Hilton. That's right, according to the WASHINGTON POST and BBC Dick Cheney's approval rating among Americans is a dismal 18%, considerably lower than Geoge Bush's abysmal 34% rating. "Michael Jackson, who was alleged of sexually harassing an underage boy, and American football player O.J. Simpson, who caused a huge clamor for being suspected of murdering his wife in 1994, each maintained 25 percent and 29 percent favorable impression rates, respectively." Even Nixon never went below 45%. But if an election were held today, there is an excellent chance that Cheney-- with a little luck (and no more drunken shooting rampages)-- could beat Paris Hilton. Hilton, one of the most hated celebrities on earth, forever enshrined by SOUTH PARK as being the most disgusting widely known human being anywhere, only had a 15% approval rating, down 3% from Vice President Cheney's.