Why should you care if the gummint's openin' yer mail, unless a-course you got somethin' to hide?

OK, so there's this old guy in Kansas, retired histry perfessor, been corresponding with a friend in the Philippines, also a histry perfessor, fer like 50 years, and now he's steamed on account of Homeland Sorority has taken to opening his letters, according to MSNBC, and the old coot thinks somebody oughtta know the Sorority's doin' this stuff, which he didn't know—like as if any real American would give a rat's behind! (If yer not doin' no terrorism, why should you care they's openin' yer mail?) Guy from MSNBC, he looked into it, turns out not only is Sorority doin' it, but it's all OK.

Don't it figger the old coot was a histry perfessor? The coot don't even know histry's over, done with. And thank God fer that—cripes, it was boring! Like anyone gives a rat's behind when Alex Hamilton and Andy Jackson broke the bank at Monte Carlo.

Instead a histry now we have patriotism. And Rummy. And George W. Bush, a real patriot, by God. Why, if we'd-a had them, and Cheney the veep, back on 9/10, why, 9/11 never woulda happened.