MEAN JEAN SCHMIDT CLAIMS PEOPLE ARE ASKING FOR HER HAND IN MARRIAGE

It doesn't matter what the topic at hand is; as soon as a conference call with the art department gets going someone always starts saying they have a new idea for a Mean Jean Schmidt picture. "But today," I plead, "is a positive day-- a day about Russ Feingold and Lois Murphy and Howard Dean and Jack Murtha, and Barbara Boxer, a day about heroic men and women fighting for the American ideals. I want positive, beautiful, glowing art today." But the art department only wants to talk about their new ideas for that damned Piece of Schmidt.

"Look, she is washed up... finito. The Republicans are soliciting other people to run against her in the primary. They never want to hear from her again. We will never need a picture of that crack whore again. Now let's talk about doing something with a little dignity."

So wasn't I surprised when Wednesday's copy of the CINCINNATI ENQUIRER finally arrives and... guess who's crawled out from under her rock! Wednesday was Bowzer's 2nd birthday. Bowzer is my friend Carlos' schnauzer; it was also Mean Jean Schmidt's 100 day anniversary in the Congress. I gave Bowzer (the schnauzer) a bone and the ENQUIRER decided to celebrate Mean Jean with a profile.

Although Schmidt hasn't been allowed to speak again in Congress since she made an ass of herself and was booed out of the well of the House with her psychotic raging and blatant-- quickly exposed-- lies about decorated war hero Jack Murtha on November 18, she claims that at a closed-door GOP caucus she was given a standing ovation and that several members proposed marriage to her. Presumably these would have been Mark Foley, David Dreier, Jim McCrery or any number of gay Republican hypocrites desperately looking for a beard before the next election. "It's amazing," she gushed, as shocked that anyone would want to marry her as everyone else is. "There have been three marriage proposals and lots of dates. They think I'm a hottie."

Other Republicans with a slightly more of a bona fide connection with objective reality have a different viewpoint. "She's an embarrassment to the district," said Chris Finney, a Cincinnati lawyer who led an anti-tax group in opposing Schmidt during the primary. "Her lack of sophistication, her lack of ability to serve is hitting her hard and I believe she will be part of the downfall of the Republicans in Congress." Two Republicans and two Democrats are interested in opposing her bid for re-election.