Do All Republicans Eat Goat Penis? No, Just The Rich Ones

Republicans want to elect a delusional convicted sex offender governor

You may have missed the charming story out of England last week by Bobby Viteri, Eating Goat Penis With America's One Percent (at the Waldorf Astoria in New York). Among those in attendance: His Royal Highness Prince Jigyel Ugyen Wangchuck of Bhutan, stratosphere jumper Felix Baumgartner and Amazon’s Jeff Bezos.

Prepared by Gene Rurka, the chairman of the club’s exotics committee, on the basis of availability and market price, the food was impressive and revolting. The reception rooms, poorly lit by reddish heat lamps that only served to amplify the gamy smell of whole-roast carcasses, were set up like a bourgeois Golden Corral. But instead of a chocolate fountain there were two muskrats in doggy-style positions, soupy jellyfish and tarantula skewers. There was grasshopper cheesecake and lamb-brain salad. In the past, Gene has served up Macao monkey, Japanese hornets and armadillo.

It’s an opulent show-and-tell, but what do you expect? What do you feed the man who's planted his feet on all seven continents? More importantly, what do you feed the man who's traversed mainland Antarctica and the moon? You feed him a myriad of dick and balls, and you garnish his martini with an eyeball… These were the people who were singlehandedly privatising American science and, ultimately, advancing the human race.

At right around the same time, the 1% was having a different kind of meeting on the West Coast. The California Republican Party-- whose deranged chairman, Jim Brulte, boasted "We're not in the business of vetting candidates, and we don't pick winners and losers"-- had their sad annual convention in a hotel for transients near the San Francisco Airport in Burlingame. The convention was completely dominated by delusion teabaggers and their candidate for governor is neo-fascist extremist Assemblyman Tim Donnelly, a vicious racist and gun-totin' former leader of the criminal vigilante mob, the Minutemen. But Donnelly wasn't the only criminal prancing around at the convention of losers last Sunday. Glenn Champ, another GOP goof ball running for governor, is a convicted sex offender.

One of four gubernatorial candidates introduced to California Republicans recently is a registered sex offender who spent more than a decade in state prison, convicted of crimes including voluntary manslaughter and assault with intent to commit rape.

Glenn Champ, 48, addressed hundreds of GOP delegates and supporters Sunday at the site of the state party's semi-annual convention. Introduced by party chairman Jim Brulte and allotted 10 minutes, Champ spoke in between the main GOP candidates, former U.S. Treasury official Neel Kashkari and state Assemblyman Tim Donnelly of San Bernardino County.

Champ, a little-known political neophyte from the Fresno County community of Tollhouse, did not directly mention his criminal past during his speech but said, "In my life, I've been held accountable because of my stupidity. I do not want anyone else to be enslaved because of their lack of knowledge."

Champ's rap sheet is lengthy. Court records show that in 1992, he pleaded guilty to carrying a concealed firearm. In 1993, he was convicted of two counts of assault with intent to commit rape and as a result was placed on the state's sex-offender registry.

In March 1998, he accepted a plea deal on a charge of loitering to solicit a prostitute; later that year, he pleaded no contest to a voluntary manslaughter charge after hitting a man with his vehicle, for which he was sentenced to 12 years in state prison, according to court records.

Champ said his life experience could help him deal with politicians in Sacramento. He calls them criminals, saying, for example, that they routinely infringe upon constitutionally protected gun rights.

"I know what the criminal mind thinks, and I know how it works and I know how to stop it, and that's something [other politicians] don't get," Champ said.

A spokesman for Brulte, who introduced the candidates after the close of official convention business Sunday, declined to say whether the chairman was aware of Champ's past.

Maybe Champ should apply to BRAVO! for his own reality show, like another convicted Republican Party sociopath, former South Carolina state treasurer, Tom Ravenel, a coke dealer who is, besides starring in the TV show, running for senator against the hapless Lindsey Graham, a typical GOP closet case and hypocrite. What a party of losers!