Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Comedy Tonight: If Newt's campaign fizzles, the underlying reason may not be that mysterious


by Ken

Let me say once again that I'm quite a poor prognosticator of the decision-making process of the portion of the American electorate in thrall to the Great Right-Wing Noise Machine. As hard as their masters -- that unholy coaltion of economic predators of the 1% and ideologically and religiously inspired thugs of the Crackpot Right -- have worked to keep them several layers "safely" removed from reality, reality does have a pesky way of intruding, at least around the edges, as witness the almost comical rise and fall of this presidential season's GOP "favorites." However benighted their target audience may be, these stupefyingly based life forms have found it hard to escape the downside of sustained exposure.

So I'm far from predicting whether Newt Gingrich, who may in fact be the worst of the lot (though there's no way this can be measured scientifically) by virtue of the depth and breadth of his personal and political corruption, can survive the pommeling he's started to take. (See Howie's Christmas Day post, "What Remains Of the Newtster's Presidential Campaign -- Kaddish?") For that matter, I can say the same of Willard Inc. You'd think there's no way an overprivileged slug like that, with such an assaultive vision for most of the country, can last till the Republican nominating convention, even as the Last Lump Standing. (I know we're supposed to be talking about Ron Paul now, but I still can't think of him as anything more than a sideshow to this astonishing freakshow, to borrow Noah's usual description.)

Still, it's not hard to see the scenario for our Newt's submergence. Andy Borowitz gave it his spin last week:

Gingrich Plummets in Polls as Voters Start Remembering Who He Is
Dawning Awareness Threatens Campaign

DES MOINES (The Borowitz Report) – In a development that has imperiled his front-runner status in the Republican presidential race, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich has plunged in the polls as voters have begun to remember who he is.

Mr. Gingrich had been surging in recent weeks, but according to pollster Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research institute, “That was before people’s memories of who New Gingrich is started gradually kicking in.”

According to a new poll released today, Mr. Gingrich fared especially poorly among voters who agreed with the statement, “Wait a minute, that guy? He was an enormous dick.”

“Newt Gingrich has got to do something fast to keep people from remembering who he is,” pollster Logsdon said. “He might try growing a moustache or wearing an eye patch, but that might be too little, too late.”
On the ground in Iowa, Gingrich campaign strategists are working overtime to confront the challenge posed by voters remembering who he is, aides to the former House Speaker said today.

According to one campaign source, the Gingrich campaign has begun seeking the support of people with mental disorders and other memory issues that make it hard for them to retain basic information.

“The problem is, most of those people are currently running for President,” the source said.

In other political news, the Romney campaign unveiled a new slogan today: “You’re Out of Other Options.”

Of course Andy's also nailed the, um, the implacable logic of the Willard Inc. campaign "juggernaut" in a post-Newt campaign era. "You're out of other options" indeed.

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At 5:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys need a proof reader. That should be "pummeling." But that's only one of many.
Horace Fudpucker

At 9:40 AM, Blogger KenInNY said...

You're right, Horace, we could sure use a proofreader, but it's just us here. Goodness knows, we let plenty of typos through, but that's not one of them. Check your dictionary.


At 5:49 PM, Anonymous me said...

Too bad about Gingrich - I was looking forward to him slugging it out with the used car salesman.

I would say the same about Satan, but he's such a fucking idiot that Romney could take him down with one hand tied behind his back. That Texass could elect that mean-spirited Supreme Moron THREE TIMES is just astonishing, and is reason enough to stay far, far away from that state.

Besides, given recent history, you could get executed for a murder you had nothing to do with.

At 5:52 PM, Anonymous me said...

About the typos, yeah, I see some from time to time. But knowing how much work you guys churn out, I've learned to ignore most of them.


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