Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

Tonight, those who choose to brace themselves and tune in will be able to watch Donnie Sleazeball give his second annual State Of The Union address. Get your barf bags ready! It'll be on seemingly every channel but the Cartoon Network which is where it actually belongs.

This is how I am preparing for the big broadcast: I thought of taking a page from the Big Pop-up Cookbook of Trump White House Cuisine and getting in a tray of Bigly Macs or whatever they're called but I ate at a McDonalds once back in 1971 and never went back. So, what to do? Lots of people make junk food runs on grocery stores for Super Bowls, but drug stores have probably noticed a run on things to settle the stomach, anti-vomiting pills, and migraine meds for tonight's big farce. I don't know about you, but I did that and I will have all three on hand, plus a morphine IV. I'm all set. The wife has even re-erected the chicken wire wall in front of the TV! I did, however, buy one of the last bags of Cheetos available at my local grocery store. Don't worry, I'm not going to eat the little cancer puffs. I simply plan to set fire to one Cheeto each time Trump lies. I use an acetylene torch. It's a voodoo thing. I got the X-Tra Large Family-Size bag. That should suffice, unless he goes rambling on for over an hour.

Trump has spent the last week preparing well for tonight's speech. In a sad attempt to convince us that he's not Putin's bestie, he's torn up the Nuclear Arms Control treaty (which, of course, is something Putin has wanted for years and was probably decided in Helsinki). Somewhere, the ghosts of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are smiling. Trump has also, once again, sent troops to our southern border; a replay of the stunt he pulled right before the mid-term elections. That one failed but cost us all a ton of tax payer dough. A few days ago, we even had news of a suspiciously timed massive drug bust as a truckload of Fentanyl was intercepted at the Mexico-Arizona border. Trump will always use that as an example of why we need The Wall, while normal people will see it as a sign that the kind of security measures we already have in place work fine, so just double down of those.

Of his speech, Trump will say he would love it if he was covered fairly. Personally, I'd love it if Trump was covered in six feet of dirt, but, fair it shall be. The clip I'm using as a "meme" tonight is the great Randy Rainbow's fair, tremendously fair "just the facts. no slant" take on the real State Of The Union. It's a truer depiction of where we are than any we'll get from Old Cheeto Face.