The Trump New Year’s Eve Party: When Hideous People Dress Hideously

-by Noah

Señor Trumpanzee held a gala New Year’s Eve party at Mar-a-lago on Sunday night. Some of the worst people were there. As yet, we haven’t had a look at what the bash cost the taxpayers and how much profit was made. However, at least we got a look at what the guests were wearing. The whole thing reminded me of the unintentionally hilarious party hats that many of the guests wore at the wedding of England’s Prince William few years ago. As was the case then, social media is having a field day pointing out that money can’t buy you class or good taste. Although, maybe this is the Trump’s way of angling for an invite to the upcoming Prince Harry wedding.

So-called “First Lady” Melania Trump led the way. Sadly, it looks like the dress she had ordered got lost, so she had to make do with one of the Mar-a-lago shower curtains. Kudos to some undocumented seamstresses who came to her rescue. No doubt their invoices have already been torn up.

Melania isn’t the only butt of the world’s jokes about the “fashions” seen at this party, not by a long shot. Treasury Secretary Steve Munchkin and his wife are more than fair game. Judging by social media, they proved to be very resourceful. Remember this picture?

Well, now it turns out that the Munchkins were just picking out a bit of fabric for Mrs. Munchkin's party dress. Gives the phrase “money shot” a whole new, literal meaning!

Others caught the Munchkins in a shape-shifting moment. The Swiffer Duster shoulder design is a nice touch. Let’s get Mrs. M. a job as a chimney sweep.

I must admit, I would have expected the Trump sons and their whatevers to be wearing the skins of animals they’d shot but then I realized that such attire would be far too warm in the Florida climate.

And to think; all of this may have started with Sarah Huckabee Sanders wearing her old 1947 tablecloth.

In my dreams, I see these people reduced to wearing old, frayed Pillsbury Flower sacks, missing a few teeth and looking like 19th century street urchins, yet still vaguely recognizable. Alas, it is only in my dreams.