Midnight Meme Of The Day!

-by Noah

The State of the Union is Fucked.

Usually, presidents stand before Congress and the national TV audience to give their "State of the Union" speech and say "The state of the Union is strong." It's showmanship. It's a designed cheer and applause line no matter what the real state of the union happens to be at the time. I suspect that, on Tuesday night, our psychopathic 300 pound fartbag of a president will say something to the same effect, maybe even the exact same words, if he is having a good night reading his teleprompter, that is. But, what will happen is anybody's guess. He could say those magic bullshit words. It would be in keeping with his propensity to lie. He is incapable of a true statement. To him, truth is a disease. Even his name isn't his name.

More than likely, "Trump" will say "The state of the Union is strong" and then he will start rambling about how we are strong because of his own tremendousness and magnificence, his deal-making, his leadership, his indisputably stable genius... you know how it goes. He will claim to have "signed more legislation than any previous president"; still not understanding that signing executive orders is not signing legislation. He will say all this and the obsequious republicans in the hall will stand up and stomp and cheer. All the while, Mike Pence will be sitting on the dais in back of Trump praying to his fake Christian god that his boss will just keel over dead right then and there so he can take over the big podium and start bringing his dreams of Christian jihad to full flower at a faster pace. Right next to him will be a smirking Paul Ryan, applauding Trump's every utterance and white power hand gesture, while he also prays for Trump's sudden demise and adds Pence's demise, too; not that he disagrees with anything Trump or Pence say or do, but but because he has his own dreams, the darkest dreams of all dreams.

Yes, Republicans will cheer whatever their beloved leader has to say. They will cheer his batshit insanity as if it is there own, because it is their own. If Trump says we need more pedophiles in government, they will applaud that. If Trump says no more black or brown, no matter how many billions they contribute to our economy, they will of course, applaud that. If, after nodding to Pence, he announces a government taxpayer-funded program of "gay conversion," they will applaud and cheer that; even the self-loathing closet cases among them. If Trump starts talking about closing down public schools and replacing them with Trump Universities, they will applaud that. Selling the Grand Canyon? Yeah, they will applaud that. Yosemite? That, too. Make DACA children build "The Wall" for a dollar a day? Total Republican bliss! Even more deficit-multiplying redistribution of wealth up to the top 1% via more tax scams? C'mon do ya have to ask? The benefits of coal ash and lead in our water? You bet. If Trump says he wants to join with Russia in a new USSR and sell all our resources to Russia for 10 cents on the dollar, they will applaud that, and the TV cameras will pivot to the guest section where they will find a beaming Vladimir Putin. For extra measure, Putin will be flanked by an American porn star on one side and a Russian porn star on the other, all in a display of the new unity.

Then, in a consolation prize nod to China, he will announce that helping Puerto Rico recover is no longer an American problem (not that he ever thought that it was) because Jared has dealt the island to China in return for cash for his New York real estate ventures.

Most of all, if Señor Trumpanzee actually does have a highly unlikely moment of honesty and says "The State of the Union is Fucked," Republicans will applaud, cheer, and stomp for that the most of all. They will then unfurl a huge gold banner with sparkling diamond letters that spell out "Mission Accomplished." And this time it will be true. Trump will grin at Putin, looking for approval from daddy. As he does that, Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Mitch McConnell, and, Lindsey Graham, and Louis Gohmert, all dressed up in 1950s cheerleader outfits will all start conga line dancing off the dais and up the aisles, while Stephen Miller takes over the podium mic and sings "Springtime For Hitler."