2017, A Hell Bound Train, Part 4: A Look At Some Of Trump’s Best People

-by Noah

Señor Trumpanzee assembled quite a team this year. Remember when Trump said he was smart and knew the best people? How could we forget? He said it during the 2016 campaign and he’s been saying it ever since. He even says those who are Nazis and those who march with Nazis are “very fine people.” Ok, to be fair, he didn’t say they were the best. He just said very fine. But that’s all just semantics. It’s the thought that counts.

Maybe Señor Trumpanzee’s selection of people he surrounds himself with is not just a matter of who he feels comfortable with, i.e. white supremacists, Russian mobsters, perverts, fellow sociopathic and even psychotic Republicans, etc. Maybe, it’s just that when he looks at himself honestly, he knows that everyone else he chooses to associate with actually is smarter than himself? Nah! That cannot be true for the simple reason that Trump is incapable of any kind of honesty. He demonstrates that every damn day.

So, is Trump actually smart? Not according to his Wharton professor William T. Kelly who called him “the dumbest goddamn student I ever had.” Is Trump some kind of Forrest Gump, a dumb guy who ends up in the oval office getting the Congressional Medal Of Honor from a real president? Nope. No way. No one can honestly see Trump rescuing any fellow soldiers in Vietnam. In fact, we know that there’s no way Trump would go to Vietnam to begin with. He’d always have those 5 draft deferments and alleged “temporary” bone spurs to fall back on.

"Run, Donnie, run?" I don’t think so! At least not in Vietnam. Not only that, but Forrest Gump built a successful business out of nothing, didn’t need to declare bankruptcy 4 times (or more), and even remembered to take care of his dead buddy’s family when he was under no legal obligation to do so.

No, Donald Trump, you are no Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump is brave and true. Fictional or not, he is a hero to us all. In Mr. Gump’s own words, he says, “I’m not a smart man, but, I know what love is.” Love of anyone but self is alien to you, and no amount of therapy will fix that. You, Donald Trump, are just a complete total jackass who feels comfortable surrounding yourself with fellow dumbasses that have so little self esteem that they will prostitute themselves working for you for as much money as they can grab.



So, Trumpie the Clown, let’s take a look at some of your sycophants, your “best people.” At this point there’s no need to point out the likes of Sean Spicer, Anthony Scaramucci, or the piece de resistance of communication, one Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Likewise, there’s no need to throw another spotlight on your budding basket case of a vice president, Mike Pence. I’ll also skip over “Education” Secretary, Betsy DeVos, Linda McMahon, who came from WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) to run the Small Business Association into the ground. Likewise, we already know all we need to know about Rick Perry, aka the Secretary of the Energy Dept. But, how about a few of your lesser known “best people,” all enthusiastically confirmed by $enate Republicans, of course.

1. Wilbur Ross, Secretary Of Commerce- With any luck, we will be hearing a lot about long time Trump associate Wilbur Ross in 2018. No he doesn’t own a talking horse named Ed, but, really, would it surprise you if you heard from your Republican neighbor that he does?

There’s that six degrees of separation thing and then there’s Wilbur Ross. Ross has direct ties to Vladimir Putin’s inner circle, including Putin’s son-in-law. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson may have gotten all the press about being Putin’s besty, but, it appears that when it comes to being in bed with the Russians, no one tops ol’ Wilbur (Of course, if there really is a pee tape, maybe there’s one person who does).

Why might we be hearing more about Wilbur? Well, it seems that he was (is?) a key player on the board of the Bank of Cyprus that is under investigation by Robert Mueller’s team for money laundering, as in Russian money, money that appears to have ties to Paul Manafort and several unsavory Russians. Ross is also the largest shareholder in the bank.



2. United Nations Ambassador Nikki Haley- So many of Señor Trumpanzee’s people have demonstrated one true talent, the talent to, much like their boss, fake and con their way to the top. No doubt that’s what he adores about them. This must be the case with our current UN Ambassador Nikki Haley. Like many of Trump’s appointees, Haley’s qualifications for the job were dubious. Her top qualification was that she was elected governor of the state of South Carolina, so, right away, there you go.

But, as I always say, keep the spotlight on these yahoos long enough and they will eventually reveal their inner idiot. In Haley’s case, a few days ago, she thought she was talking to Polish Prime Minister Mateusz Morawiecki about the interference of the Russians in the free elections of the island nation of Binomo. The conversation went like this:

Fake Polish PM- One more matter is island Binomo. It’s not far from Vietnam, in the South China Sea, you know?

Haley- Ok.

Fake Polish PM- You know Binomo?

Haley- Yes, Yes.

Fake Polish PM- They had elections and we suppose Russia had its intervention.

Haley- Yes. Of course they did. Absolutely.

Fake Polish PM- And now this Binomo land makes the situation in the South China Sea even more tense.

Haley- And we’re aware of that and we’ve been watching very closely and we’ll continue to watch that.

So, what’s the problem you ask? Well, first and foremost, the island nation of Binomo doesn’t exist. Haley is the UN Ambassador. Do you need a number two?

Sure a congressperson or a governor might not know about lots of things, but when you are the supposed UN Ambassador and you periodically sit in a room with all of the other UN ambassadors, wouldn’t you even begin to wonder why you hadn’t met the Ambassador from Binomo or met or even seen anyone from the nation’s delegation?

Haley was pranked by the Russian political comedy duo of Vovan and Lexus. They like making fools of politicians of all types. In Haley, they already had a fool so all they had to do was get her on the phone.

Sigh, remember when Kellyanne Conway used to talk about the Bowling Green Massacre? Yeah, that never happened either, except in Republican World. Same with the child labor camps on Mars, 5,000,000 “illegals” voting against Trump, and Hilary’s famous pizza shop pedophile ring in Maryland, and everything else they hear about on Trump’s favorite TV channel.

3. Stephen Miller- Most of us have heard of Stephen Miller, but most of us don’t know much about him. Miller is Trump’s “Senior Advisor For Policy,” whatever that means. He came to Trump via racist Attorney General Jeff Sessions. He was Session’s Communications Director when Sessions was a Senator. Before that, he was a press secretary for… wait for it… Rep. Michelle Bachmann. That’s quite a background. To put it another way: When you gravitate to nuts, you’re probably a nut yourself. So, why not go to work for Trump, too?

Miller is actually Trump’s chief speechwriter. He also authored Trump’s executive order that restricts immigration from seven countries thought to be exporting Muslim terrorists to our country. Saudi Arabia is, very notably, not on the list even though Saudis funded the 9/11 attacks and the jihadists who carried them out were Saudis.

Miller is seen as a kind of brother in arms to the infamous Steve Bannon when it comes to white supremacy. While at North Carolina’s Duke University, Miller, a member of the Duke University Conservative Union, helped out Duke graduate student Richard B. Spencer with promotion and fundraising for a debate on immigration policy. Richard B. Spencer is the current President of the National Policy Institute, a white supremacy think tank.