Midnight Meme Of The Day!

-by Noah

They always say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. As we've already seen, in the case of the Trump clan, the apples stay on the tree and fill up with maggots. Clearly, the Trump tree needs the cleansing action of an F5 tornado.

The Trumps are really a modern-day mobster family. I'd love to see a future PBS Masterpiece Theater series called "Trump Tower." It would be the flipside of Downton Abbey, the hugely successful English soap opera that was based in the English countryside during the early part of the last century. The series centered on the trials and tribulations of the upper class twit family of one Lord Crawley. In my "Trump Tower," you'd have Trump roaming around his uber-tacky Fifth Avenue tower always wearing just his Chinese-made bathrobe with a five foot long Chinese-made bright red tie. He'd occasionally stop to take great pride, tremendous pride, the best pride, in his fake Renoir and fake who knows what else. The only similarity between Downton family head Lord Crawley and Senor Trumpanzee would be their mutual idiocy when it comes to economics. Lord Crawley, a snobbish but at least somewhat decent man was a misguided believer in con man swindler Charles Ponzi, the Bernie Madoff of the 1920s. Trump, of course, actually is an equal to Charles Ponzi.

The kids would all have appropriate gangster names. Little Donnie, Jr. would be Donnie Maggot Brains. Eric would be Eric Maggot Brains, and Ivanka would be Ivanka Maggot Brains. Baron, who just might turn out to be the worst of all of them, would just be known as Maggot Farm. Don't worry, I didn't forget Tiffany. As in real life, she will not be seen. In "Trump Tower," she will only be heard as a pathetic lonely voice coming from behind a jewel-encrusted closet door. There would also be a recurring role for Jared Kushner as Il Consiglieri di Maggots. Melania? She can just keep her real life title of Whore of Slovenia.

The living room walls will feature multiple portraits of Vladimir Putin, plus assorted past and present Grand Wizards, Imperial Wizards, Exalted Wizards, and Imperial Grand Exalted Wizards. Louis the 16th and Marie Antoinette, raunchy porno magazine centerfolds, and, of course, the usual assortment of smiling German Nazis will also be represented. The bedrooms will be lit by dimmer-controlled gold-plated tiki torches. In short, the show's sets will be an idealized Better Homes And Gardens republican home for the super rich.

The downstairs crew? Kellyanne will be a scullery maid, usually seen down on her hands and and knees scrubbing the floor and occasionally wiping up kitchen messes with her hair. Mike Pence will be the butler, and, Steve Bannon will slovenly walk around serving pizza and taco bowls, while cursing the mere existence of Mexicans; all to the nodding approvals of the family, of course.

In Downton Abbey there's an episode where they discover rats have set up home in the walls of the "castle." Perfect! That will be featured as well! In "Trump Tower," Paul Ryan will be the exterminator who will maniacally go after the rats, even eagerly climbing into the walls and the sewer to get them. He will find diabolically clever ways to snatch food from them and poison their environment. Why such exuberance? The answer is that Ryan gets to keep the rats he can cage. He has an all you can eat deal.

By the way, for those who didn't watch the series, the final season of Downton Abbey ended with, among other things, a depiction of the mid to late 1920s rumblings of economic upheaval that would soon cascade into the worldwide Great Depression. Many aristocrats were already finding themselves bankrupted and having to sell their insanely large and over-extended estates. Trump, as we know, is no stranger to bankruptcy, but, if another great depression occurs, he may have to yet again summon his craft as a grifter and con man and try to pass off his proven fake Renoir. If he knows one thing at all, it's that there is a sucker born every minute, 63 million of them.