The Future Name Of The Republican Party: The Unindicted Co-conspirator Party

-by Noah

The president is new at this... He’s just new at this.
-House Speaker Paul Ryan

Yep. So said Paul “Crazy Eyes” Ryan, a man almost as ridiculous, sick, and bereft of a soul as Don the Con himself, as he launched the Republican Party’s “ignorance defense” of their Oh Great Leader’s actions regarding former FBI head James Comey. The thing is, the Republican defense instantly falls apart when you realize that, if Trump were indeed truly ignorant of laws and protocols, he would not have felt it necessary to clear the room of all but he and Comey when he wanted to have his now infamous little friendly chat.

Ryan, in fact endorsed Trump and continues to be one of Trump’s biggest cheerleaders. The Republican Party as a whole is marching in lock step behind their leader. For them, it’s loyalty oath time. Republican politicians have willfully forgotten that they took an oath to our Constitution, not that they really believed in it anyway. They have made a decision to share whatever blood, real or figurative, ends up on Trump’s greedy little hands. They have embraced Trump and are his co-conspirators.

Ryan also recently claimed, about Trump not only that “he’s just new” but that “he didn’t know better.” It never occurs to thuggish people of low brain wattage, like Ryan, that maybe the person your party puts forward to run to be our president should “know better.” For Republicans, ignorance is supposed to get you a pass at your job.

This isn’t a new problem with Republicans. I remember all the Republican voters who said they loved Sarah Palin because “she’s just like me.” Palin was handpicked by $enator John McCain to be a heartbeat away from the oval office and all that goes with it. What was he thinking? Was it just arrogance? Was it contempt? Was it just stupidity? McCain had been around the block a few times, probably a few too many times. So, what was his excuse?

You may be gullible, naïve, or just plain dumb enough to believe, even after all we’ve seen of Trump, that his problem isn’t his blatant corruption, his treachery, or his severe mental illness; that it can all be just explained away by his “newness,” or some brazen apology of “ignorance.” But Ryan and his cohorts in Washington and all those Republican governors and senators aren’t “new at this.” So, like I said with McCain, what’s their excuse? Hey, it’s only the futures of 300,000,000 Americans and their progeny that we’re talking about.

I’ll take it one small step further: When it comes to the numbers of Americans who will die because of Republican actions on things like healthcare, foreign policies, and environmental policies, who is the biggest terrorist threat to our country, the Republican Party or ISIS? Millions of Americans are living in terror of not having the wherewithal to afford things like chemo or a heart bypass, should they ever need it. People like Trump and Ryan might as well be wearing a black hood and holding a sword. That goes for McConnell, too, and any of the rest of these slithering bags of Repug Party filth that smirk and call themselves patriotic.

Republicans are telling us that we shouldn’t be thinking that their man is guilty of obstruction of justice. They call both that and the very idea that something untoward is/was going on with Putin’s Russia preposterous. No, to republicans, we should just give Trump a pass, no matter how bad it is, even if it’s treason. Hey, “he’s just new at this.”

In recent days, Señor Trumpanzee has made another of his attacks on NATO, cheered on by his Russian friend, or friends, or, should I say, owners? He has insulted our allies. He’s even insulted London and its mayor. Everything he does is exactly what Putin wants him to do. Not to worry, “he’s just new at this.”

Don “the Con” Trump has now launched a verbal attack on Qatar, the nation that quite possibly hosts more of our military personnel than any other. Qatar is a major center for our operations in the Middle East. If things in the Middle East now blow up completely, should we just make apologies and say “he’s just new at this?”

News broke this past week that the Trumps have been diverting money meant for children suffering from cancer into their own pockets. Shall we assume that it’s some sort of misunderstanding and that Don the Con is “just new at this?” When he ripped off contractors for years was he “just new at this?” This is what Republicans consider excusable behavior.

Or, to put all this a different way: This Republican excuse mantra has been making me wonder; what if Trump had some other job. What would the Republican Party then be saying to us as he made a hash of them? Here’s a short list of alternate reality jobs that, perhaps, Señor Trumpanzee could con his way into. Sadly, no, horrifically, this list could just as well apply to people like Sean Spicer, Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Huckakbee Sanders, and all of his cabinet appointees. Here’s the list, along with what we could expect Republicans to say. I’m sure you can think of many more.

1. Air traffic controller: “Hey I know all the planes at LAX crashed today, but he’s just new at this!

2. Restaurant manager: “Hey, I know there’s fecal matter in all the food, but he’s just new at this!”

3. Elevator inspector: “Hey, I know the elevator fell 40 stories, killing everyone inside, but hey, he’s just new at this!”

4. Reservoir builder: “Hey, I know the dam broke last night and hundreds of people in the town below died and thousands more lost everything they had, but, hey, he’s just new at this!”

5. Nuke Plant Manager: Do I have to even say it?

I could go on. You know I could, and so could you. Look, the best job for people like Trump, Ryan, McConnell and their Republican comrades is, in reality, Crash Test Dummy. What other jobs might Trump have? Would you want him to be your brain surgeon? (Hell, would you want Ben Carson to be your brain surgeon?) Sure, Republicans would make excuses on that one and say brain surgeon would be a good job for Trump because his tiny hands would come in useful for all that intricate work. But, hey, who knew it would be soooo difficult? I can even see some late night TV ads. Need an electrician for your house? Better Call Don the Con! Need someone to fix the brakes on your car? Call Don the Con today! He’ll fix it like no one can. As Don the Con says: “Only I Can Fix It!”

Jeez. At least Nero knew how to play the fiddle.