What If Trump’s Candidacy Is Over By Halloween? Here Are A Few Replacement Kooks Most Republicans Can Probably Get Behind.

-By Noah

Forget Halloween. Will Herr Trumpf’s candidacy for the highest office in the land even last that long? Might it be over by Labor Day? Oh the irony of a Republican nominee for president dropping out on Labor Day. Seems sort of appropriate to me!

It would be the most amazing irony of all if what finally did Donald Trump in were his non-stop attacks on an American Muslim soldier, Captain Humayan Khan’s ultimate sacrifice and that soldier’s Gold Star parents. It’s an attack that Trump’s supporters are cheering and defending every day at his rallies and on TV.

The Republican sentiments behind the attacks on Capt. Khan and his family happen to be a key factor at the heart of the forces that are now tearing the Republican Party apart. On the one hand, they claim to love the military. On the other, they love to express hate for Muslims, resisting no opportunity to do so.

This situation is a very conflicting thing for Republicans. The Republican Party is in a state of Civil War with some at the top of the party worried that Trump’s extremist and bonkers candidacy will jeopardize the party’s control of both the Senate and the House; not to mention state and local offices. It’s not that they don’t like what Trump is and what he stands for; it’s more in the way he presents himself and constantly, so blatantly, reveals what the Republican Party is really about.

Let’s not forget that the Republican Party’s current standard-bearer, with his constant appearances as a guest on FOX “News,” took the lead in the Republican Party’s birther movement, a prominent party movement that, to this day, claims that President Obama is a “secret Muslim” who wasn’t born in the U.S.A. Even in the party’s recent Kleveland Kook-Fest, invited speakers such as Antonio Sabato Jr. made that charge from the convention stage, to wild cheering and approval from the thousands of Republican delegates and party supporters in the audience. This is more than Trump. It’s about the millions of Republican voters who have so eagerly put him where he is today. They built this.

One of Trump’s key spokescretins, Katrina Pierson, as a guest on the execrable Wolf Blitzer’s CNN show, has now even blamed President Obama for Capt. Khan’s death. Capt. Khan died in 2004. Barak Obama wasn’t even yet a Senator in 2004, let alone President. Such, though, is the logic of today’s Republicans. Tuesday night saw another CNN contributor, former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, yet again bring up the old Republican chestnut Obama is not a citizen meme.

There have always been fringe, wacko candidates for president. In Millburn, New Jersey, the town I grew up in, there was an eccentric dentist named Dr. Cornell Grossman who ran for president about six times, starting, I believe, in 1948. Considering the mutual tooth obsession, maybe he was a precursor to Vermin Supreme (see above clip, if you haven’t already had the pleasure), but Dr. Grossman was harmless. I just would not have trusted him with the laughing gas. He got about 21 votes nationwide in the 1968 election. He lived and practiced in a large haunted-looking Victorian mansion that was right out of The Adams Family. Our family chose to go to a dentist in a neighboring town.

Times have changed since then. There is no longer a crackpot filter that confines oddballs and crackpots to running as candidates of tiny, insignificant political parties. The best, if not the only, evidence of there being no crackpot filter, in recent years, has come from the Republican Party itself. There is power in social media and nutball radio. Trump’s ascension to the very top of his party proves it.

Think about who Trump beat out for the honor of leading his party: Ben “Xanax” Carson? Rafael “Ted” Cruz? Carly “Pink Slip” Fiorina? Chris “Not sorry I ate all the pie” Christie? 2012 offered the likes of Herman Uzbeckie-Beckie-Stan” Caine”, Rick “Can’t count to 3” Perry, and Michele “Fema Camps” Bachmann? In 2008, a crazy, senile old megalomaniac named Rudy Giuliani spent $50 million on his candidacy and got one whole delegate for his foolishly spent money. Giuliani, like Trump, is a big fan of Vladimir Putin.

Really, when you look at it rationally, how are the crackpot politicians I just mentioned any different than Vermin Supreme or any of the other wackos I’m about to introduce you to? At least Vermin Supreme knows he’s a performance artist. The people that the Republican Party has been trotting before us in recent years are all such sociopathic, narcissistic headcases that they have no idea how they come off to medical people and normally adjusted voters.

The continued digression of potential offerings from the Republican Party is only going down, down, down. I have no doubt that now, after Donald Trump got the Republican nomination, a complete babbling loon like Texas Rep. Louie “Bestiality” Gohmert is now thinking of himself as viable for a 2020 run. I bet similar thoughts have crossed what’s left of the mind of His Royal Pomposity Bill O’Reilly. Scott Baio anyone?

Is it really now such a leap for the Republican Party to go just a little further into the realm of mental darkness and choose someone along the lines of Vermin Supreme. Can it even be called going further? Donald Trump may seem to some people like he is also a performance artist like Vermin Supreme but he’s not. Trump is a man who is hanging ten on the doorstep of an insane asylum. There is a “Make America Great Again” straitjacket in his future. It will be made in China, no doubt, just like the rest of the Trump clothing lines. Vermin Supreme may, in fact, be a better choice for America, no? Mr. Supreme, as the New York Times would call him just may be Donald Trump’s long lost brother, the brother the family kept hidden in the attic, but maybe the family got it backwards.

As the world cringes and America shrugs, it is clear from the daily photos and outrageous pronouncements of Donald Trump, that we have a major party candidate who is in the throes of an emotional and mental crack-up. There are even rumblings and murmurs of concern coming from his own party, including, apparently, RNC chairman Reince Priebus who has been the architect of the attempts to legitimize Trump as a reasonable candidate.

Do Priebus and other Republicans now have some sort of buyers’ remorse kind of thing over the monster that they have engineered? Until this week, Washington has been strangely silent on the issue of Trump’s mental well-being.

Finally, no less a national figure than the President of the United States, Barack Obama, a man given to being irritatingly phlegmatic and reserved no matter what, has felt compelled to speak out. It’s that bad.

The Republican nominee is unfit to serve as president…and he keeps on proving it.

Brian Duffy, a veteran of Desert Storm and newly elected head of the VFW has issued a statement on Trump’s fitness for office.

There are certain sacrosanct subjects that no amount of wordsmithing can repair once crossed… Giving one’s life to nation is the greatest sacrifice, followed closely by all Gold Star families, who have a right to make their voices heard.

Other veterans groups such as VoteVets, the American Legion, and the Vietnam Veterans of America have issued similar statements, with the VVA calling Trump’s statements “disgraceful and un-American.” John Rowan, National President of the VVA says:

VVA joins the chorus of congressmen and senators, veterans, and Military service organizations, in condemning the flagrantly disloyal utterances of the Republican Party nominee for President.

So far, only two of those members of Congress are Republicans. However, as I write this, words like ‘intervention’ are being tossed around by a few Republicans while most remain silent or openly continue to support their guy. Media outlets such as MSNBC and even some of the staunch Trumpists at FOX “News” are reporting that Reince Priebus, Rudy Giuliani and Newt Gingrich want to meet with their boy about his need to change his tone. You can be forgiven if you are now humming “Send In The Clowns” to yourself.

So, what is the alternative for the Republican Party? For some Republicans to be even talking about things like “intervention” goes a long way in telling us just how far into the nutball world their party has gone. Would they dump Trump and put Pence at the top of their ticket? There is an existing mechanism in both major parties to do such a thing. Would they just dump the whole ticket altogether? I would not hold my breath on that but you know what they say about desperate times.

We have the past history of Republican actions to point out what direction they would move in if such an extreme measure was taken. We cannot expect a political party that has steadily moved in the direction of complete, utter insanity for the past 50 years to suddenly reverse course. The current emotional and mental breakdown of the Republican Party and the emotional and mental breakdown of Donald Trump go hand in hand. They are manifestations of each other. The marriage of Trump and the Republican Party was inevitable. Is this a case of ‘til death do they part?

The Republican Party does not move forward. Taking the more positive direction is unknown to them. This is a party of lunacy and low road politics. A small number of Republicans are beginning to issue self-serving, lip-service missives about being marginally appalled by Trump’s actions but the truth of their feelings lies in the fact that they have not withdrawn their endorsements or money. For instance, Trump still holds the proud endorsements of Republican Party leaders such as Paul “Crazy Eyes” Ryan, $enate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and former party presidential nominee John McCain, the man who gave us another nutball, Sarah Palin. Who knows where this will go? Do not expect profiles in courage from what passes for republican leadership these days.

The fact that the recent Kleveland Kook-Fest, chose Donald Trump as their leader is only the latest manifestation of the depths to which Republicans will go when choosing a standard bearer. Insane Dick Nixon? Mindless dementia patient Ronald Reagan? Drug and alcohol damaged Dubya? All of the other 2012 and 2016 Republican Primary candidates? It’s worth noting that even the endorsements of former KKK Grand Wizard David Duke and every single other white supremacy group in the land did not give the Republican Party pause and deter them from nominating Donald Trump and singing his praises. Why would they?

The Tea Party, the power center of the Republican Party, created in large part by former Republican House Majority Leader Dick Armey, adopted tri-corner hats with teabags dangling from the brims. Will Republicans soon start wearing boots as hats like Vermin Supreme? Will Mr. Supreme be debating Hillary Clinton in October?

Or will they look to one of these other crackpot possibilities for the top of their ticket? Will we soon see Chris Christie and his wife standing on stage with one of these people? Which one might they choose to lead their party against Hillary Clinton and the Democrats?

First, they could, with typical insincerity, lack of a sense of irony, and/or extreme cynicism, reach out to gay, Latino, and African-American voters in one fell swoop with Pogo Mochello Allen-Reese, aka the “Patriot Prancer”?

Pogo is a former stripper and Christian crusader from San Antonio. He is already running as a Republican and hopes to create jobs by convincing Oprah to move her production company to San Antonio.

Second, there’s the infamous David Jon Sponheim and his America’s Third Party. Why would David Sponheim be an ideal replacement for Trump, you ask? Well, just check out his video!



Sponheim, a former Democrat, also offers nightly video chats. That’s a lot more that Trump’s paltry wee hours bizarro tweeting.

To be fair-- and I’m always fair-- there is at least one “independent” candidate for president, Ms. Tami Stainfield, that may actually be more nuts than at least most Republicans, and therefore might not fit the bill as a Trump replacement. One, she is a woman, but she is no ordinary woman. Two, although she gained experience by having run back in 2012, she is a woman who is known for speaking in tongues and claiming that men and robots have taken over her brain and use her to speak for them. So, maybe, on second thought, Tami would work after all. You decide:



There are others, of course, many others, but Mr. Supreme has the advantage of being willing to reach out to all Americans. His offer of a free pony to all Americans is awfully hard to beat!



Vermin even got his name on the New Hampshire Democratic Primary ballot and proudly stated to the media that you could now see ‘Vermin’ as an honest, transparent voting option on the ballot. Unfortunately, he didn’t do very well in the primary. Perhaps that was just due to the fact that he chose the wrong party to run with. Obviously, he would have done better to throw his boot into the Republican ring.

While we can laugh at or with the Vermin Supremes of the world, Donald Trump is no longer a source for amusement. Real vermin are leading the Republican Party. Once you’ve nominated Trump, you can nominate just about anybody.

Vermin Supreme may not be the only possibility for Republicans, but he may be the most sadly logical one now, if only because he has now run at least three times and has offered every American that free pony. If Trump really has all the money he says he has, maybe he could save his wretched candidacy by also offering us all free ponies. Absurd as things are, maybe it really could save his campaign. “You’ll all get a great pony! It will be the best pony, a huge pony, believe me!” Complete with all the horse manure you could ever want.