Britain’s New Prime Minister Appoints Sir Assclown Boris Johnson As Foreign Secretary

-by Noah

Britain’s new Prime Minister Theresa May has fired a canon shot across the bow of the rest of the world. In her first act since taking office, she has named Boris Johnson as her country’s brand, spanking new Foreign Secretary, aka Her Majesty’s Principal Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs. The Foreign Secretary’s job is to represent Britain’s interests abroad. He’ll also be in charge of Britain’s secret services (MI6)! It seems to be his reward for helping to engineer England’s exit from the European Union. There’s more than a little irony in this appointment.

Alexander Boris De Pfeffel Johnson, often comes off as a classic Upper Class Twit Of The Year type. He was born in New York City to wealthy upper class English parents and educated in England. He is a former Member of Parliament, a writer and a former Mayor of London. He’s a member of England’s Conservative (Tory) Party, but you’ll be able to assume that as soon as you read the quotes I’m about to provide.

It’s more than just the wacky hair and florid complexion that is reminding the world of Donald Trump.

Boris Johnson is a vocal supporter of Rupert Murdoch, decries what he calls "banker bashing" and has zero like for the Occupy Movement. He is also, despite his claims of being anti-racist, much like Trump: a loudmouth open racist. He’s not just your typical reserved English racist who saves his hate speech for behind closed-door cocktail parties, government policy meetings, and other activities. Nope. Johnson is right up front about it. So much so that many of his statements will bring a broad smile to the faces of Americans like David Duke, Bill O’Reilly, Jeff Sessions, Rudy Giuliani, Louie Gohmert and any of the rest of the White Supremacist types you can think of.

Here’s a small sample. Perhaps we should consider a ban on British “diplomats” entering our country, At least until we figure out what the hell is going on with England.

On then Prime Minister Tony Blair visiting Africa: "What a relief it must be for Blair to get out of England. It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving piccaninnies…

And also on Blair’s trip to Africa: "They say he is shortly off to the Congo. No doubt the AK47s will fall silent, and the pangas will stop their hacking of human flesh, and the tribal warriors will all break out in watermelon smiles to see the big white chief touch down in his big white British taxpayer-funded bird."

Johnson has, thus far gotten away with such statements apparently by using a very deft "I’m only kidding" schtick, that has to be the envy of conservatives in this country. While frequently saying despicable things, he can also be, at times, quite edgy and darkly funny-

Iran And The Bomb: Johnson once wrote that he supported Iran having nukes since it was "the only sure-fire means of protecting my country, and my poor huddled constituents… from the possibility of an attack by America."

On Hillary Clinton: "She’s got dyed blonde hair and pouty lips, and a steely blue stare, like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital."

He’s a fine one to talk about someone’s hair. That later statement leads me to wonder what his own experience with nurses in mental hospitals might be. I can’t help but think that it’s more than just from watching One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. But, maybe he’s just channeling his inner Ann Coultergeist.

Lastly, I have to go back to his apparent obsession with stereotyping various native peoples around the world. His mind must be stuck in some sort of early 1950s radio adventure serial where the natives look up in the sky and see an airplane as a "great silver bird," the great white hero in the khaki shorts and safari hat might end up in the big cooking pot at any minute, taking a picture steals one’s soul, and shrunken heads abound. Johnson, the new Commonwealth Affairs guy has attitudes that are a rorschach reflection of British colonial attitudes circa 1890. In that sense, he would make a perfect Republican here in the U.S.A. in 2016.

On Papua New Guinea (as he spoke about Britain’s two main political parties: "For 10 years, we in the Tory Party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing, and so it is with a happy amazement that we watch as the madness engulfs the Labour Party."

Piccaninnies. Cannibalism, Watermelon smiles… It’s all too much. It makes you wonder how he got elected Mayor of such a multi-cultural place as London. Drunk voting? Let that be a lesson for U.S. voters come November.

Rhetorical question: Are the English that nuts? This man has been appointed to sell the world on all things English! I have to say, no thanks. Queen Liz asked Theresa May to form a new government and Theresa May goes and does this. Genius. So, yeah, double no thanks, and you can keep that inbred royal family of yours, too. Remember how we dealt with the madness of King George III?

There might be one sliver of hope that Boris Johnson is not completely insane, though. He has accused Donald Trump of being "out of his mind" and of being a man of "stupefying ignorance." Well, as they say, "Even a broken cuckoo clock is right twice a day."