Can't Make It To Church Today?

Don't you worry, we have #GOPbible study for you! Some wags had nothing better to do this weekend than stop making fun of Dr. Ben Carson's crackpot theories about the 7th Day Adventists and just point out some of the controversies inherent in Republican religionist orthodoxy. Micia Sakowitz, for example, pointed out the hidden scriptural text that includes Jesus dealing with Lazarus and his sister in a manner more suitable for a Paul Ryan/Ayn Rand Speakership: "Sorry Lazarus, you have a pre-existing condition." And trayNTP just couldn't completely get off the ole Dr. Ben tip, pointing out the Ben Carson Nutritional Program: "Poor families get only 'two fish and five loaves of bread' per year because that should be enough." Lucia1835 was sticking with that whole fish theme: "And Jesus said, 'If you give a man a fish the fishmonger will lose a valued customer." But, it was our old friend TheNewDeal who just went hog-wild:

OK, you've earned this now. We'll let Paul, Tommy, Bob and Chris connect us with something a little more real: