Friday, August 07, 2015

No more "Daily Show with Jon Stewart"? Guess I'll have to get my debate coverage from "The Borowitz Report"


Plus: I advance my latest theory as to why all
these Republicans are "running for president"

"[Jon] Stewart leaves behind a legacy of having raised the bar for political discourse — to jostle folks as they laugh at political folly, to remind people of the real-world consequences embedded in those punchlines, to demand that, amidst all late-night shucking-and-jiving, people in power should be held accountable for the state of our nation."

by Ken

The deck on the above-referenced Matthew Love Rolling Stone piece is: "The Daily Show host leaves behind a legacy of small-screen satire that screamed truth to power." I like that.

I really meant at least to set the DVR to record Jon's last Daily Show last night, but I forgot. I expect I can still catch a repeat, or see it via On Demand, but the truth is, I haven't watched the show regularly, or maybe even it all, in ages. I've just got too much politics bombarding me from all directions which I can't escape. I can't, as a matter of free will, take on more.

That said, I can't say enough about the job Jon has done all these years, dating back to the darkest years of the Bush Regime, and I can't say enough how much he'll be missed -- even by those of us who haven't actually been watching all that time. Because everyone always knew he was there, standing ready to offer his take on developments, almost always cutting through the you-know-what to reach a layer of sense. And even those of us who weren't actually watching would read the quotes or see the clips.

The most obvious consolation is the number of Daily Show alumni who have infiltrated the media, where spaces have actually been created for some of them, as Comedy Central did for Stephen Colbert and HBO has done for John Oliver. Even I'll be watching, at least at the start, to see what CBS's Late Show with Stephen Colbert turns out to be, and Last Week Tonight with John Oliver continues to live up to the promise of what I called "maybe the best promo I've ever seen for anything." (Probably we should also include Comedy Central's Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore.)

Luckily, Howie was plugged into the first 2016 GOP presidential debate, so I don't have to feel guilty about taking my customary pass. The idea of sitting down, as an act of free will, to watch those people congregate in any space other than the group-session room of an appropriate mental-health facility fills me with what is known clinically as the heebie-jeebies. And just to be clear, no amount of guilt would prompt me to tune into such a broadcast. I can't offhand imagine what might, short of paying me or holding a gun to my head.

Luckily too, there are other sources to provide coverage of a kind appropriate to an event of this sort. Like these scoops from The Borowitz Report.

CLEVELAND (The Borowitz Report)—The billionaire Donald Trump shocked the American people Thursday night by proving to be considerably more heinous than they had previously thought, an instant poll taken after the debate shows.

According to the poll, viewers who went into tonight’s debate thinking that Trump was one of the most horrible people that they had ever seen were still totally unprepared for the depths of awfulness he displayed during the televised contest.

When presented with the descriptors “loathsome,” “appalling,” and “monstrous,” viewers who witnessed Trump’s interaction with Fox News’s Megyn Kelly said that none of those words did justice to how odious Trump was.

Partially as a result of his debate performance, the poll shows, Trump is now the first choice of seventy per cent of Republican voters.

CLEVELAND ( The Borowitz Report) -- Based on his performance in Thursday night's debate, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker has emerged as a leading candidate to manage an Enterprise Rent-A-Car branch, Enterprise has confirmed.

Tracy Klugian, a human-resources director for the rental-car giant, said that he did not know what to expect before the debate, but after watching Walker in action he felt confident that the Wisconsinite had “what it takes to succeed at Enterprise.”

“He didn’t get too many moments in the spotlight, but, just from what I saw, I would feel comfortable putting him behind one of our rental counters,” he said.

He indicated that the company would be contacting Walker in the days ahead to discuss a possible future with Enterprise.

“Just to be clear, no promises will be made,” he said. “Best-case scenario, Scott works hard and becomes the manager of one of our branches. For starters, we’d like to train him to be an assistant manager and see how he does with that.”

Enterprise’s faith in Walker appears to be echoed by a new poll, which shows that thirty-one per cent of voters believe he is qualified to assistant-manage a rental-car branch.


The Presidential Candidates' Hospitality Suite at
the 2016 GOP National Convention in Cleveland?

As you know, I've been losing sleep over the question why all these people who have no chance of winning, or perhaps even being noticed, are choosing to join the GOP presidential fray. I've finally come up with a theory, and while I haven't yet gone to the length of rigging up fake videos to support it, I'm going to stick with it until I either think up a better one or get tired of this one.

My current theory is that the perk that's driving all these people to join the fray is that during the GOP nominating convention in Cleveland, there will be a maximum-secret hospitality suite specially set up for drinks, drugs, and sex, where only former GOP presidential candidates and their designated guests will be eligible to while away the hours, including -- perhaps especially -- during peak podium, er, activities. This means that they'll be able to carouse in maximum secret, the way right-wingers always prefer to do their drinking and drugging and sexing.

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