Monday, August 31, 2015

Confidential to the Ohio Denali-deniers: If you really can't grasp the name change, bear in mind that it's none of your frigging business


With (Lord help us) Trump update -- see below

Mount Denali (20,237 feet)

"President McKinley never visited, nor did he have any significant historical connection to, the mountain or to Alaska."
-- Interior Secretary Sally Jewell

"I'd like to thank the president for working with us to achieve this significant change to show honor, respect, and gratitude to the Athabascan people of Alaska."
-- Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska)

by Ken

Confidential to Ohio Republicans mouthing off about the Obama administration's redesignation of the continent's highest peak from Mount McKinley to Denali, as it was long known to indigenous peoples, from an Athabascan word meaning, we're told, "the great one," and as it has been known for decades now to Alaskans:

Have you looked at a map lately? (Or ever?) This is none of your frigging business. How about you just shut your frigging pieholes?

Jeez. Every time you think right-wingers who do all their thinking with their stinkybutts have reached the limit of Obama-bashing crackpottery, they kick it up another notch. After all these years they still don't know an effing thing about Barack Obama except the color of his skin -- and, oh yes, that they hate him and everything he believes, whatever that may be. But that's enough for the bully-boy crackpots. Often the only way they know what they believe is by pointing at "that Obummer" and squealing: "The opposite of what he said, the opposite of what he said!"


Perhaps you think I'm being hyperbolic when I say that President McKinley had no connection whatsoever to the great mountain? Okay, here's how it became "Mount McKinley." A gold prospector named William Dickey who went prospecting in June 1896 later wrote: "We named our great peak Mount McKinley, after William McKinley of Ohio, who had been nominated for the Presidency, and that fact was the first news we received on our way out of that wonderful wilderness."

That's it, the entire McKinley connection to the mountain.

The name Mount McKinley was adopted by Congress in 1917, some 16 years after the president's assassination. It is, of course, too bad about President McKinley being assassinated, and I don't think you have to be from Ohio to think so. But that has nothing whatever to do with a mountain in Alaska. In fact, many Alaskans never accepted the new name. In 1975 the Alaska Board of Geographic Names renamed the mountain Denali (and tried to get their federal counterparts to do the same), and since 1980, when the former Mount McKinley National Park was merged with Denali National Monument, the result has been known as Denali National Park and Preserve.

Now in a simple, carefully legally grounded stroke, at the president's behest, Interior Secretary Sally Jewell has restored its most common indigenous name to the mountain itself, replacing the name of a president who had nothing whatsoever to do with the place. So naturally the current crop of Republican doodybrains from McKinley's home state of Ohio go nuts. In a U.S. News piece, "Mt. McKinley to Denali: How A Mountain's Renaming Got Tied Up in Politics," Jon Schuppe reports (I've intentionally omitted all links):
Ohio Republicans lashed out.

"I'm deeply disappointed in this decision," House Speaker John Boehner said.

Boehner cited McKinley's service in the Civil War, in Congress, as Ohio governor and as the 25th president.

Sen. Rob Portman accused Obama of "going around Congress." But he seemed resigned to the renaming.

"I now urge the administration to work with me to find alternative ways to preserve McKinley's legacy somewhere else in the national park that once bore his name."

Ohio Gov. John Kasich, who is running for the Republican presidential nomination, also said Obama had acted outside his authority.
As POTUS once again oversteps his bounds, Ohio knows every carnation is a monument to our own William McKinley.
— John Kasich (@JohnKasich) August 31, 2015
Rep. Bob Gibbs vowed to find a way to block what he called "Constitutional overreach" and a "political stunt" that was "insulting to all Ohioans."
My full statement on @POTUS ignoring an Act of Congress and changing the name of Mount McKinley. [LINK OMITTED]
— Rep. Bob Gibbs (@RepBobGibbs) August 31, 2015
I hold no great brief for President McKinley, about whom what most of us remember is that he was the founding father of 20th-century American imperialism. But still, even he deserves a higher caliber of acolyte than these clowns. Portman, a dismally dull political hack, is at least the sort of fellow he would recognize, and I suppose maybe Kasich as well. They're embarrassments but not disgraces. These other clowns, however . . . well, words fail me.

In order:

To Boehner: What the living hell are you talking about? Do you have any clue at all? Are you even aware that your gums are flapping without any input from a working brain? Boehner cited McKinley's service in the Civil War, in Congress, as Ohio governor and as the 25th president. So what? None of this has the slightest, remotest connection to the name of the highest mountain in North America. Is your brain so pickled that you're incapable of grasping this pathetically simple concept? Did you give the matter even the merest split second's worth of thought before you opened your yap?

To Portman: Why on God's green earth should anything in Denali National Park be named for McKinley? Are you truly not aware that WM had nothing whatever to do with the place? If so, then you should resign from the Senate on the ground that even by the dismal standards of that body you're too ignorant to serve. On a personal note, this level of arrogance and self-importance piled on top of this level of ignorance and stupidity is a really unattractive combination. If it's your beloved state you're concerned about, don't you worry that people will think that all Ohioans are as mentally incapacitated as you are?

To Kasich: Again, making those bullying noises when you have no effing clue what the eff you're talking about does not put you in a flattering light. The president didn't overstep anything (the governor is no doubt thinking of previous, successful efforts by Ohio hack pols to forestall the name change), and before you make an accusation like that, as the governor of a state you sure the hell should have taken the time to acquaint yourself with the actual legalities. Congratulations on demonstrating that you are an incompetent buffoon.

To Gibbs: Yikes! Do you ever listen to yourself?

To all four of you: If any of you actually has a brain, it's not working. You should check your warranty to see if it's covered; if not, you should really consider the one available remedial action.

For the record, Google Maps has now officially changed the name to Mount Denali. (But Bing, no.)


Then get serious. Do something real instead of wasting everyone's time with this insulting, aggressive, imbecilic mouthing off.

Here's a suggestion. Proclaim that from now on all Ohio Republican men will officially call their penises McKinley. Maybe hold a  competition for a design they can all have tattooed on the little fellers, with the competition winner earning a chance to drink "Sunny John" Boehner under the table.


It's only fair to note that not all Republicans have followed the lead of the Ohio Twits.

“For generations Alaskans have known this majestic mountain as the Great One. Today we’re honored to be able to officially recognize the mountain as Denali. I’d like to thank the president for working with us to achieve this significant change to show honor, respect, and gratitude to the Athabascan people of Alaska.”


To quote myself above: "Every time you think right-wingers who do all their thinking with their stinkybutts have reached the limit of Obama-bashing crackpottery, they kick it up another notch." Here I thought we could go out on a gracious note with Senator Murkowski's enthusiastic comments. But no. Howie passes along this from The Hill:
Trump pledges to reverse Obama’s mountain renaming

By Timothy Cama - 08/31/15 09:17 PM EDT

Donald Trump promised Monday that he would return the name of North America’s largest mountain to Mount McKinley, undoing President Obama’s decision to call it Denali.

Calling Obama’s act a “great insult to Ohio,” Trump, who is running for president next year, tweeted late Monday that Obama reversed the name the peak had for more than 100 years, in honor of President William McKinley, an Ohio native.
What were some of the epithets I applied above to the Obama-bashing Ohio Denali-deniers? Let's see, there was ignorant and imbecilic and bullying and aggressive. No evidence of a working brain, has apparently never looked at a map, doesn't think before he opens his yap, can't mind his own frigging business. No wonder The Donald wanted to join this club!

I would encourage The D to take my McKinley Penis Picture Pledge, but he might then feel obliged to show it to us, and nobody wants to see that.

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At 11:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, why not throw a bone to Portman? We can have a grand naming ceremony for the William McKinley Memorial Rest Stop on Highway 3.

At 5:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about an entire fleet of Wm. McKinley memorial chemical toilets?

Bingo!!! on the father of 20th century American imperialism ID.

John Puma

At 6:28 AM, Blogger KenInNY said...

Excellent creative thinking! This is a collaborative spirit I'm sure Senator Portman would welcome.


At 9:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aren't these "Republicans" aware that McKinley fought on the wrong side in the Civil War?

At 2:59 PM, Blogger KenInNY said...

LOL, Anon! I guess for the Ohio Twits, though, it's not a problem. Or for The Donald, who doesn't talk about it much but as far as I know, unlike much of the GOP base he's courting, considers the Civil War a settled issue.



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