Sunday, July 05, 2015

The Cartoonish Rafael "Ted" Cruz Imitates Some Cartoon Characters. How Appropriate!


by Noah

I'm sure that Rafael's handlers thought that the above clip of their boy attempting to imitate Simpsons characters might serve to somehow humanize him to voters. Either that or they secretly hate him.

However, after viewing this clip, my only other thought is the cold truth that repugs don't do the humor thing very well, especially when impersonations are involved. If you doubt that, try to remember the spectacle of Karl Rove doing his pathetic, might as well be black face, rap dance at the press correspondents dinner several years ago.

If that doesn't convince you, there's always Rafael reading Dr. Seuss.

When it comes to republicans, one can laugh at them, I suppose, but laughing with them? Not possible.

In looking at that clip, the only impersonation I can see Rafael Cruz pulling off would be boy-molesting scoutmaster.

Maybe the entertainment angle for Rafael is for Hollywood to write a mocking sitcom around him, but that would be all part of the "Grand Hollywood Liberal Conspiracy," not unlike this post.

I imagine the sitcom would center around Rafael playing a milquetoast-y 50-year-old who lives in a sixth-floor walk-up tenement with his mother and always will. He comes home every morning from his lonely job as a nightwatchman to his overprotective mother and feels that she picks on him way too much. Republicans are naturals when it comes to playing the victim card.

Mom constantly whines that her little boy should get a real job, a day job, a better-paying job, but there's no way our boy is giving up that nightwatchman job. You see, he may look like a scared little mouse of a man, but he's really quite smart and clever when it comes to his surveillance gear and he's born to operate at night. He's a born voyeur. Rafael loves to watch … all sorts of things. And comedy, dark comedy, ensues.

Rafael complains that the big, mean government won't let him get a day job. He grows to imagine a world in which he can film the things he sees and use such things to his advantage to meet Mom's ever-growing demands for more and more money, which she uses on her ever-growing collections of things like snow globes, celebrity bobble-head dolls, and, all too fittingly, Annie memorabilia.

Mom has a disturbing obsessive habit of constantly shaking the snow globes and flicking the heads of the little dolls. It gets to the point where it takes all day for her to get to all of it.

The series ends thusly: One morning Rafael comes home from his voyeur job and snaps. He decides there must be a better way to live his life. Politics!

Rafael decides he needs bigger money to achieve his new goal, and to do that he must, by day, become a bank robber. Alas, he was only cut out to watch things. Active work doesn't suit him much, and he is caught, tried, and put in jail, where his mother, every day, brings him a snow globe and a bobble-head from her collection. She does this for 21 years, until she passes away.

Last we see Rafael, he is alone in his cell, suffocatingly surrounded by thousands of snow globes and bobble-heads. Several fellow inmates lovingly refer to him as Bobble-Head.

Too bad Rafael never knew that all he had to do was tell the banks he was going into politics. They would have gladly sent people to his home to hand him attaché cases full of cash every day. All he would have had to do in return was be their own personal bobble-head.

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