How Much Will GOP Pretty Boy Aaron Schock Pay To Keep His Pretty Ass Out Of Prison?

Those arms are made for huggin', not brawlin'

On Friday, Republican gangster Michael "Mikey Suits" Grimm, an ex-marine, ex-FBI agent, ex-congressman, and tough-talking reputed Mafia operative, was sentenced to 8 months in federal prison, the gentlest slap on the wrist to a thug who knows enough to turn the FBI inside out. I never read about Grimm's workout routines or days in the House gym, but if any of his new neighbors like his piercing blue eyes enough to try to play husband to him, they're going to have to fight for the privilege. He may look like a greasy blowhard to you, but remember, he was "Mr. Right" to the House's hottest Democratic congresswoman, Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii, and GOP closet queen Aaron Schock was known to covet more than his ass.

Although Schock-- who was forced to resign from the House for a wide range of criminal activities involved with using taxpayer and campaign money for his personal lifestyle and career choices-- is likely to wind up in prison, it isn't likely it will be in time to team up with Grimm. Schock, who had himself photographed dozens of times shirtless and in workout mode with shiny buldging muscles, will be a far easier target for a hardened criminal-- should he wind up in a prison that holds that type-- looking for a wife. So far, though, young Aaron has spent close to $2 million in campaign funds to keep himself out of prison.

Former U.S. Rep. Aaron Schock's legal woes have been lucrative for a handful of law firms that have collected more than $1 million from his campaign fund over the past three months, according to a campaign disclosure report released Wednesday by the Federal Election Commission.

In addition, the report shows that Schock owes almost $750,000 to the law firm Jones Day.

A federal grand jury in Springfield has been hearing evidence for several months about Schock's campaign spending. Federal authorities turned their attention to the three-term Republican from Peoria earlier this year amid questions over his spending on private jets and world-class hotels.

Schock abruptly resigned in March after reports that he may have overbilled the government for mileage reimbursement on a vehicle he had purchased with political contributions.

One of his largest travel expenses logged in the latest report was from May, when Schock spent $22,080 on event space at The Little Nell, a five-star luxury hotel in Aspen, Colo. Thousands of dollars were also spent on meals at high-end restaurants and attributed to fundraising-related expenses, the report shows.

In recent months, Schock returned $57,800 worth of political contributions, the report shows. Reimbursements were made to contributors including prominent Chicago-area businessmen Ron Gidwitz, Sam Zell and restaurateur Richard Melman.

As of the end of June, $2.1 million remained in Schock's campaign fund.

Although Schock has spread around the money through 8 top law firms, his chief flack is the notorious George Terwilliger III, the Meese Justice Department's Iran-Contra Political Liability Suppression Officer and later the architect of the successful efforts by George Bush to steal the 2000 presidential election. His take, so far, has been $500,000.