Q: How can you tell when "Holy Joe" Lieberman is lying? A: His lips are moving.

Yes, it's b-a-a-c-k!

-- from today's WaPo Monday "Opinions" e-mail

by Ken

Okay, it's an ancient joke, the one I've recycled above. But tell me it doesn't apply exactly to former CT Sen. "Holy Joe" Lieberman, aka "The Holiest Joe of Them All."

Is it a moon phase or what? 'Cause we've really got the right-wing scum-loons pouring out of the woodwork. For how many days now have we had to listen to that lying scumbag-thug Rudy Giuliani blithering psychotically about President Obama? And now here, telling the 23 members of the House officially disaffected by the scheme to turn a joint session of Congress into a campaign rally for the Israeli Likud Bund -- and any other suckerable saps who'll listen -- that they should just forget about the circmstances of this appalling pile of political skulduggery cooked up in cahoots by the Israeli and U.S. Far Right, to rise above politics and listen politely to the lying scumbag-thug who occupies the post of prime minister of Israel.

Since, His Holiness says in a Washington Post op-ed, "Hear out Israel's leader," "it is absolutely clear" that House Speaker "Sunny John" Boehner "will neither postpone nor rescind his invitation, the prime minister will be there to speak." Apparently the 23 House Democrats are supposed to shut the fuck up and listen to Holy Joe, but there are no words for Sunny John, who's principally responsible for this goddamn mess to begin with. Welcome to HolyJoeWorld.

Now what Holy Joe knows about foreign affairs would fill . . . well, no container that I know of -- unless we count lies and imbecilities, and for once, just this once, I say we don't. No, all our Joe knows is that an inviolable tenet of U.S. foreign policy must always be that we bow down and kiss the smelly toes of the vilest fascists in Israel.

Nevertheless, in the interest of fairness (and what are we here if not fair?), here are the reasons why His Holiness thinks those grumpy congressmembers should show up on March 3 and listen politely to Prime Minister Bib's prime-ministerial crock:

● Go because this is about determining how best to stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons and not just another Washington test of partisan and political loyalty.

● Go because — regardless of what you think of the leaders involved or their actions in this case — you are a strong supporter of America’s alliance with Israel, and you don’t want it to become a partisan matter.

● Go because you know that the Constitution gives you, as a member of Congress, the power to “regulate commerce with foreign nations,” “define and punish . . . offenses against the law of nations,” “declare war,” “raise and support armies” and “provide and maintain a Navy,” and Netanyahu might say some things that will inform your exercise of those great powers.

● Go because you know that Israel is one of our closest and most steadfast allies and you feel a responsibility to listen to its leader speak about developments that he believes could threaten the safety, independence and even existence of his country, as well as that of our closest allies in the Arab world.

● Go because you worry that it is not just the security of Israel and the Arab nations but the security of the United States that will be threatened if a bad agreement is made with Iran that enables it to build nuclear weapons it could put on its increasingly capable long-range missiles.

● Go because you are concerned about nuclear weapons proliferation and believe that a faulty deal with Iran will not only put it on the road to becoming a nuclear power but will also lead some of Iran’s Arab neighbors to acquire nuclear weapons as soon as possible.

It's not that what happens with Iran is of no consequence to us as well as Israel, but that that inveterate dirty-toe-licking Holy Joe and his political brethren know and understand less about the situation than possibly any people on the planet.


HOW CONGRESS COULD RESPOND TO
AN "ILL-OMENED OWL" LIKE HOLY JOE

Now Holy Joe could hardly qualify more exactly as an "ill-omened owl," and if the son of a bitch insists on trying to spoil our "gay gambado," one obvious solution Congress might try is this trick employed in the Act I finale of Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado, as the frightful old frump Katisha tries in vain to reveal to the assembled Japanese town of Titipu the true identity of the fellow they know as the minstrel Nanki-Poo, who it seems is the son of their . . . well, we never do find out! (Hmm, what rhymes with "bravado," "tornado," and "gambado"?)

KATISHA: I'll tear the mask off your disguising!
NANKI-POO [aside]: Now comes the blow!
KATISHA: Prepare yourself for news surprising!
NANKI-POO [aside]: How foil my foe?
KATISHA: No minstrel he, despite bravado!
YUM-YUM [aside, struck by an idea]: Ha ha! I know!
KATISHA: He is the son of your --
TOWNSFOLK [interrupting]: O ni! bikkuri shakkurito!
KATISHA: In vain you interrupt with this tornado!
He is the only son of your --
TOWNSFOLK [interrupting]: O ni! bikkuri shakkurito!
KATISHA: I'll spoil --
TOWNSFOLK [interrupting]: O ni! bikkuri shakkurito!
KATISHA: . . . your gay gambado!
He is the son --
TOWNSFOLK [interrupting]: O ni! bikkuri shakkurito!
KATISHA: . . . of your --
TOWNSFOLK [interrupting]: O ni! bikkuri shakkurito!
KATISHA: . . . the son of your --
TOWNSFOLK [interrupting]: O ni! bikkuri shakkurito!
Oya, oya!
KATISHA: Ye torrents roar!
Ye tempests howl!
Your wrath outpour
with angry growl!
Do ye your worst,
my vengeance call
shall rise triumphant over all!
TOWNSFOLK: We'll hear no more,
ill-omened owl!
To joy we soar,
despite your scowl!
The echoes of our festival
shall rise triumphant over all!
KATISHA: Prepare for woe,
ye haughty lords!
At once I go
Mikado-wards!
TOWNSFOLK: Away you go!
Collect your hordes!
Proclaim your woe
in dismal chords!

-- from the Act I finale of Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado

Ann Drummond-Grant (c), Katisha; Thomas Round (t), Nanki-Poo; Jean Hindmarsh (s), Yum-Yum; D'Oyly Carte Opera Chorus, New Symphony Orchestra of London, Isidore Godfrey, cond. Decca, recorded October 1957

The only thing is that Katisha, monstrous as she is, is made way more sympathetic in Arthur Sullivan's music, as this scene plays out, than any power known to man could make Holy Joe. (I'm pretty sure we've already heard this great scene whole, but I couldn't quickly find a link. If anybody cares, I'll pursue it.)

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