Carl Kassell says "I've got to do something" now that he's retired from "Wait Wait ... Don’t Tell Me!"

Not to worry -- just because (longtime but now-retired Morning Edition anchor) Carl Kassell at 80 is retiring from NPR's Wait Wait ... Don’t Tell Me! doesn't mean he won't continue recording voice-mail greetings for show winners.

"Carl is now officially Wait Wait's Scorekeeper Emeritus, but will continue to record voice mail greetings for winners on the show. (He's already done more than 2,000.)"

-- 31 words from the end of Roxanne Roberts's WaPost tribute to
retiring Wait Wait ... Don’t Tell Me! announcer Carl Kassell

by Ken

Carl Kassell already retired from his 30-year gig as the vocal embodiment of gravitas as anchor of NPR's Morning Edition in 2009, and the world went on. But this weekend is his last as the voice of, well, not exactly seriousness, of which there isn't a lot, but of, um, something-or-other, on NPR's news-quiz show Wait Wait ... Don’t Tell Me!, and there's panic in the streets.

So you'd think that Roxanne Roberts, a frequent WWDTM panelist over its 16 years on the air, and a longtime veteran at the newspaper game, would have the sense to put the second-most-important news -- right after the retirement itself -- way near the top of her Washington Post tribute. But no, as I've noted above, she has buried it virtually at the end. I expect that J-school students all over the country are throwing themselves out of windows.

That said, if you believe that a person's achievements can be measured in the way the person is remembered by the people who knew him/her, then Roxanne's WaPo "fond farewell" tells us a heap of a lot about her longtime colleague and pal.

We knew Carl Kasell’s last taping of Wait Wait ... Don’t Tell Me was going to be a big deal, which is so not Carl. After 16 years as official judge and scorekeeper of the NPR quiz show, and 60 years in radio, he wanted his last show to be just like any other.

As if. Sprinkled throughout the hour were tributes from Stephen Colbert, Tom Hanks, Katie Couric and President Obama, which caused the 80-year-old veteran newsman and the 1,800 people packed into the Warner Theatre on Thursday to get all verklempt. . . .

The crowd, as they say, went wild. We are talking public radio fans, so that meant standing ovations and loud applause, not underwear tossed onstage. At the end of the taping, they politely mobbed Carl like he was Springsteen or the Pope, thrusting items both cute (a Carl plush doll) and mildly creepy (a Carl face pillow) at him for autographs. I’m pretty sure I saw a guy in the second row tattoo Carl’s name across his heart.

And really, can you blame them? As one of the original panelists of Wait Wait, I’ve had the privilege of working with Carl for the past 16 years. If you’re looking for an objective examination of his National Radio Hall of Fame career or his impact on public broadcasting . . . well, honey, you’ve asked the wrong girl. Like everyone else who fell into Carl’s orbit, he had me at “hello.”

Carl, Roxanne, and Peter

So here's some of what Roxanne does have to say.


HOW CARL K CAME TO WAIT WAIT

Everyone will recognize Doug "The Subway Fugitive, Not a Slave to Fashion" Berman as the long-suffering producer of Car Talk.

In 1997, NPR began casting for a new quiz show, kind of a cross between Car Talk and SNL’s Weekend Update. Executive producer Doug “The Subway Fugitive” Berman was at a public radio conference when he watched Carl take questions from the star-struck audience. One young woman asked what time he got up to do the news.

Completely serious, Carl said: “1:05 a.m.”

Peter Sagal

There was an awkward silence, and then someone finally peeped up, “Why 1:05?”

“Because 1 is too damn early.”

That’s when Berman knew he had his man. After some wrangling with NPR execs, who thought Wait Wait could undermine Carl’s journalistic gravitas, he happily dove in when the show launched in January 1998. (We spent that entire year talking about Viagra and Monica Lewinsky.) It took six more months for host Peter Sagal, who recorded the show in New York, to meet his new partner at a publicity photo shoot. Sagal sat down at a grand piano in the studio, and Carl stretched out on top (not unlike Michelle Pfeiffer in The Fabulous Baker Boys) and said, “You know, I’ve always wanted to do this.”

“And that’s the thing about Carl Kasell that nobody knew during those many, many years when he was getting up in the morning to do the news,” Sagal remembered. “Deep inside that serious newscaster persona was a huge piece of cured North Carolina ham.”

"THERE AREN'T MANY GREAT CARL STORIES"

The speaker is Peter Sagal, who explains:

“Great stories, really great stories, usually require someone to do something immoral, stupid, ungracious, or just plain dumb. Or maybe cruel or cutting. And those of you who are lucky to know him know Carl is never any of those things.”

In fact, an informal poll of Wait Wait staff and panelists — a motley collection of America’s finest cynics and smart alecks — failed miserably when it came to roast-worthy Carl moments. Panelist Tom Bodett offered this memory: The two were making their way through the O’Hare terminal in Chicago when they arrived at the long escalators. Tom jumped on the moving steps while Carl, 20 years his senior, bounded up the stairs. “Look at you, Carl,” chimed Tom. Carl turned and said, “If you want to keep doing it, you better keep doing it.” Tom has taken the stairs ever since.

Faith Salie

Panelist Faith Salie was reeling from a difficult divorce when she met Carl five years ago. In a private moment, he told her about his beloved late wife and meeting his second wife, Washington psychotherapist Mary Ann Foster. “He really wanted me to know that my life could change and be happier than I could imagine and that love can find you at any time,” she said. “We all call him a ‘gentleman’ and he truly embodies that word that’s so often casually applied. He is a gentle person — gentle of soul. Which makes his playfulness and deadpan delivery even more surprisingly charming.”

(Love update: Carl and Mary Ann are still adorable together; Faith is remarried and just gave birth to her second child.)

Me? I could brag about the time Carl, a gifted amateur magician, cut me in two at a Car Talk fundraiser, but that would be half-hearted. What I’ll really treasure are the hundreds of moments of small kindness on those pre-dawn cab rides to the airport — before I had coffee, mind you — when we talked about kids and grandkids and pets. I never heard him say a mean thing about anyone, ever, even people who totally deserved it.

ABOUT CARL'S RETIREMENT(S)

And what does he see ahead now that he's totally retired?

In 2009, Carl officially stepped away from Morning Edition to devote more time to Wait Wait — but I think it was just an excuse to sleep in until 6 a.m. We celebrated his 80th birthday last month, and now he’s going to travel the globe for fun, spoil his grandchildren and dogs, and serve as a NPR ambassador when he feels like it.

Garrett's Popcorn

So House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi, Sens. Dick Durbin, Jeff Flake and Kay Hagan all attended a tribute dinner for him Wednesday night, along with the Wait Wait family, former colleagues, NPR brass and even some of Carl’s pals from high school. Pelosi presented him with a flag that had been flown over the Capitol, besting (just barely) Durbin’s gift of Garrett’s famous Chicago popcorn.

The man of the hour was, characteristically modest. “Thank you so much,” he told the audience. “I’ve had so much fun. I enjoyed every moment of it.” But official retirement? Not so much. “What does it mean? Putting things aside, doing nothing? Are you kidding?” he said. “I can’t live that way. I’ve got to do something, somewhere, somehow.”

Carl is now officially Wait Wait’s Scorekeeper Emeritus, but will continue to record voice mail greetings for winners on the show. (He’s already done more than 2,000.) But — since we’re sharing here — you probably want to know whose voice is on Carl’s home answering machine.

His wife’s. Carl’s king of the castle, but Mary Ann is queen.

Says YouTube poster Ryan Barber: "This is my prize for winning a segment on the NPR quiz show Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me. Carl Kassell recorded a voice-mail greeting for my phone."

#