Ugly On The Outside

There are some good things about getting older. Being less swayed by the superficial is certainly one of them. I've heard more than a few people remark that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev is handsome. I've heard people say they thought Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann are pretty. When I look at Dzhokhar, Sarah and Michele those aren't the attributes that come to mind. Rotted evil is.

Politics industry trade rag, The Hill announced their 10th annual "Most Beautiful" List and they're opening it up to the White House, Cabinet departments and executive agencies. In the past it has mostly been about finding the "most beautiful" Members of Congress, their staffers, and the lobbyists and media folks who service them. You're permitted to nominate yourself. I nominated Jim Sensenbrenner in honor of his attractive eating habits and the role they play in national food policies. You can nominate someone too by e-mailing 50MB@thehill.com/

I used to be in the radio business and the truism was always how radio announcers were just too ugly for TV. That used to be true of politicians too but the trend is in a more blow-dried, hair-died, nipped and tucked direction now. Once you make the list once, you're not eligible to be on it again, so 450 Inside the Beltway types are ineligible this year. I bet Virginia Foxx and Louie Gohmert could still make the list. Notable Members of Congress who have been on the embarrassing list in the past include Obama (2005), Boehner (2006), Pelosi (2007), Ryan (2008). Corrupt ugly-on-the-inside Floridians Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Marco Rubio made it, respectively, in 2006 and 2011. The winner last year was former model Max Engling, a Republican who worked as a staff assistant for Dan Lungren's House Administration Committee. Just like junior high! The only Member of Congress who made it to the Top 10 in 2012 was Michelle Bachmann... at #10.

In terms of style, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) has come a long way. For a 2008 story on congressional wardrobes, she told The Hill, “I’m a bottom-feeder when it comes to clothes shopping,” and described her strategy as going for “markdown, markdown, markdown, and then 80 percent off of that.”

But nothing about her presidential-campaign wardrobe looked bargain-basement. Not only did she hire Fox News Channel makeup artist Tamara Robertson for her 2012 bid, she also debuted a sleeker, trendier hairdo that inspired attention from the likes of the New York Daily News, which ran an article last year on women asking their hairdressers to replicate Bachmann’s look. She also made noise-- literally-- wearing a French manicure that clicked and clacked on the podiums of the GOP primary’s many debates. Bachmann was a chic version of her Capitol Hill self while on the national stage this past year.

Since suspending her presidential campaign, the three-term lawmaker has settled back into a familiar role as a congressional agitator, President Obama attack dog and magnet for media attention. This month, she took some friendly fire from Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), and in the spring, she attracted headlines by first announcing that she had become a Swiss citizen and then later rejecting the citizenship, saying her allegiance lies solely with the United States. It might have looked like a stumble, but the episode fits in with Bachmann’s modus operandi. In 2009 she told The Hill, “Life around here is so fast, it’s like being in a blender and you hit frappé. You can’t look backward.”

Bachmann declined to be interviewed for this feature.

No mention of the closeted gay husband, Marcus.

And not to be outdone in the inanity department, another Beltway trade rag, Roll Call, just published the second edition of a series that examines fictional characters and the real people who represent them in Congress. Appropriately enough, corrupt Long Island money grubber Steve Israel would be representing Jay Gatsby from The Great Gatsby by F. Scot Fitzgerald. Less appropriately, racist pig Jo Bonner (R-AL) would be representing Scout Finch in Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird and GOP dullard Sam Graves (R-MO) would be Tom Sawyer's congressmember. Tonight's music (above) has been provided by Knoxville's Judybats. Not enough music for you? How about some intense interpretive dancing (and facial gestures) from Marcus Bachmann, who turns out to be a much bigger fan of Lisa Kudrow's than he is of "street."