Does Mitt Romney Really Exist?

 
-by Noah
 
There used to be a game show on TV called To Tell The Truth. On it a panel of celebrities, writers, and columnists would fire questions at three contestants, trying to determine which one of the three was really who he or she said they were. In the end, after some bit of minor drama, the real one would stand up. To Tell The Truth offered more truth than nearly all of what passes these days for news programming, but that was then and this is now.    

So, on Sunday morning’s Meet The Press, there they were: Mittens Romney and the ever-fawning, obsequious David Gregory bouncing his spongy-soft questions off of the candidate who is nothing more than a mannequin, ready and willing to be dressed up in not only whatever clothes he thinks might get him elected, but, even more dangerously, willing to be whatever the greedy puppet master bankers, industrialistas, and oil barons behind the remaining façade of our democracy want him to be. History is littered with the tragedies perpetrated by such men.
 
Romney’s in a bit of a tough place. Housing prices are going up and, even if he doesn’t give President Obama credit, he’s had to admit, to Laura Ingraham no less, that the economy is improving. Is he being left with nothing but a “me too” strategy in order to win?
 
Now, I'm wondering if Romney's oily slick major flip-flop on Obamacare on Sunday’s Meet The Press will even be his biggest flip between now and Election Day. Will he announce in one of the debates that he is and has always been Pro-Choice and for Marriage Equality? That he regrets hacking off that gay kids' hair back in Preppie School? That he wants to expand Medicare? Is this a new Rove-Tested election strategy? "I like Obamacare. It's just the right height"? How far will he go? Will Romney, one by one, adopt all of President Obama's positions and then put out an ad that says "Just like Obama, only WHITE"? Of course, Romney can never really be just like his rival. Say what you want about President Obama, at least there’s a there there, but, if Romney is one thing, he is white. That's at the core of the subliminal Republican message anyway. We all know that that's what's at the bottom of the mindless Repug hate for The President, or, as they incessantly call him, Mr. Other. Hell, the Republicans could even take their old 1964 Barry Goldwater bumper sticker "In Your Heart, You Know He's Right" and just put a line through the last word and put WHITE. Forward, Into The Past!
 
At this point, though, it’s hard to imagine anyone, regardless of their political beliefs, thinking that Mittens has any kind of grounding, foundation, center, or whatever you want to call it. In an ideal world, the American public would not be so incredibly dumbed down. Left, right, and center would all see that Mitt Romney, as a fully formed and integrated human being simply doesn’t exist. He’s a spineless, mindless jellyfish, randomly adrift in our sea, but ready and willing to sting us all.