Will Cuppy Tonight: "The Piltdown Man" from "How to Tell Your Friends from the Apes"

"The Piltdown Man's skull was twice as thick as an ordinary Englishman. It is in small pieces which can be fitted together in various ways after choosing sides. This is called Badminton."


So far in "Memoirs of the Jukes Family, or Where We Come In," the first section of How to Tell Your Friends from the Apes, " we've met the Java Man and the Peking Man. Tonight we move on to the Piltdown Man. -- Ken

The Piltdown Man

THE PILTDOWN MAN was called the Dawn Man or Barmy Ned because he was found in Great Britain. He was a great help because he left crude flint implements. These were small rough pebbles chipped by the Piltdown Man just as all the small rough pebbles of today were chipped by us. Crude flint implements were used for making still cruder flint implements.¹ The Piltdown Man had little to do. His skull was twice as thick as an ordinary Englishman. It is in small pieces which can be fitted together in various ways after choosing sides. This is called Badminton. He could collect stamps. The Piltdown Man had aspidistras, delphiniums and sinus trouble. Already he was aiming at the stars and missing them. The manubrium indicates self-control but very little to control. The Piltdown Man had no chin and was rather toothy. It seems incredible that he had a private life but those are just the ones who do. The young took after their parents. Anthropologists say that the Piltdown Man was stupider than any person of today. Anthropologists are people who are in museums. They lead sheltered lives. The Early Irish left few skulls. The Early Scotch left no skulls.

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¹Some say the Piltdown Man also used them to scrape furs if he had furs, for clothing if he had clothing. It is not improbable that the better sort of Piltdown Men employed some form of covering, if only a minimum.

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TOMORROW IN WILL CUPPY TONIGHT: The Heidelberg Man


THURBER TONIGHT (including BENCHLEY, WILL CUPPY, WOLCOTT GIBBS, RING LARDNER, BOB AND RAY, E. B. WHITE, JEAN SHEPHERD, and PERELMAN TONIGHT): Check out the series to date

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