"No ordinary assignment": So you want to be a spy? Er, a "national clandestine officer"?

"The mission is a constant, but every day is different." Sound good? No sweat on that polygraph requirement, but can you tell us about the benefits package? (Good news: It appears that having difficulty remembering the address "CIA.gov" doesn't automatically disqualify you.)

by Ken

Never thought about that, eh? At least not since your early teens? Exhausted all the career opportunities in your newspaper's "Help Wanted" section? Well, consider: "You can make a difference for the nation." That's something you can't say about that job in classified-advertising sales, or in pizza delivery.

As we know from the once-on-everyone's-lips, now-fastidiously-forgotten Washington Post investigaton "Top Secret America," the national security industry -- which has very little to do with the nation's security, but rather functions as a cash cow for the connected entrepreneur community and a jobs program for the upper crust -- is booming, and likely to remain for the foreseeable future one of our few seemingly unlimited growth industries.

So if you're shopping for a vision of your professional future, or maybe for a second (or later) career, and you and your career counselor are coming up blank, have you ever considered becoming a spy? Or rather a "national clandestine officer"?

Our pal Al Kamen writes in today's Washington Post "In the Loop" column, "Spies wanted. Apply  here. No black sites provided," that he was alerted by a Loop Fan "to a strange job-recruitment ad now airing on WTOP radio" in the DC area -- for, yes indeed, girls and boys, CIA recruits! Al says he had Spy Talk blogmaster Jeff Stein run it down, and got confirmation from an unnamed spook spokesperson that yes, the ad is for real. "It makes sense for any organization, including the CIA," said the Agency source (not from the Disinformation Section, one hopes), "to make known its job opportunities, especially when we're focused on growing the diversity and foreign-language capabilities of our workforce."

Al provides this blow-by-blow account of the spot, with running commentary:

A phone rings twice. It stops.

"Understood," a man says, and then he hangs up.

"My working hours can change instantly," the man continues. "The mission is a constant, but every day is different."

Cue the rising violins.

"What I do is important," he says, "yet no one will ever know. But an entire nation will be grateful."

Dramatic pause. Cue the cellos and timpanis, then silence.

"Don't just watch the news," he says. "Live it, 24-7."

A woman comes on to widen the pitch:

"Be a part of history in the making. Become a National Clandestine Service officer, in a Washington, D.C.-area career at the Central Intelligence Agency." (Surely there are overseas options.)

"This is no ordinary assignment," the woman continues. "You can make a difference for the nation." History tells us sometimes a positive difference, sometimes not so much.

Then the small print: "You must have U.S. citizenship and the ability to successfully complete medical examinations and security procedures, including a polygraph interview. For additional information, and to apply, visit CIA.gov.

"That's CIA.gov," it repeats, in case your memory's not so good, or you write slowly. "The work of a nation. The center of intelligence. An equal-opportunity employer."

Cut.

Um, what was that URL again? Wait, wait, I know I've got a pencil here somewhere. Just hang on!

(I'm thinking that if you can't remember "CIA.gov" on the first try, it's possible you're not Grade A spook material.)

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